Judge, 1925-09-12 · page 12 of 37
Judge — September 12, 1925 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Handbook for Husbands" - Satirical Excuses for Late Nights This page satirizes married men's deceptions through a humorous "handbook" offering absurd excuses for staying out. The main cartoon shows "The Sick Boss"—an employer having a dramatic fit, justifying an employee's absence. The listed excuses reveal period anxieties about marital accountability: "The Orphan" involves babysitting a stranger's child for hours; "The Hat Trick" describes getting stuck in a store trying on hats, requiring whisky and escape through a transom window. The satire targets husbands who invent elaborate stories to avoid domestic responsibility, mocking both male dishonesty and the social expectations forcing them to fabricate. The "Attractive Gifts" sidebar—listing useless items like stationary watches and "smoked glasses" to hide drink contents—extends the joke about deception and pretense. This reflects early 20th-century anxieties about marriage, gender roles, and male independence versus domestic obligation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THERE, THERE THeRe b) t p THE SICK BOSS Held his head and his arms for two hours HANDBOOK FOR HUSBANDS Containing 1,001 Excuses for Staying Out Nights by Prof. Abeliar Glibtongue, A.B., C.D. Continued from last week—read on! Tse Sick Boss—Boss had a fit just as I was leaving office—threw a telephone at me, breaking wire so I couldn’t phone. Held his head and his arms for two hours—walked him for three hours more. He has these fits every once in a while. (Note— Tf the boss and his wife have called during the evening, see “Emergency The Orphan—Was just going to get on a street car, when a woman asked me if I’d hold her baby for her a minute. Stood there for four hours and the woman never came back, so turned the infant in at the police station. (Note—If you can borrow a real baby for this excuse and take it home, there’s nothing to it!) The Hat Trick—On the way home went into a store to buy a hat. ° Tried on a derby and then couldn't get it off again. I only had $4 and the derby was six, so they wouldn’t let me go out with it. No one could get it off and it came time to close the store so they left me sitting there with the hat. Finally found a flask of whisky in a desk. Took a drink and it knocked the hat right off! Climbed out the transom and came right home. Attractive Gifts Cz glass jug. It holds two quarts —but not long. Waffle iron. It is easy to iron waffles with this. Goldfish bowl. Two 14 k. fish in- cluded. (That reminds us: A restau- rant proprietor once put a bow! of goldfish in the window and an in- ebriate came in and said: ‘Waiter, bring me a bowl of goldfish and some soda crackers!"’) Stationary wrist watch. Purely ornamental. Hands painted on face at twenty minutes past eight (or any time you prefer). An ideal gift for the kind of people who display stage money to make out they are pros- perous. Inaudible dinner gong. A good alibi for cold soup. Grapefruit set. cluding raincoat. Sandwich barometer. To tell the kind of a sandwich without opening it. Smoked glasses, These are not spectacles. They are the kind of glasses people drink out of, and are smoked so that the busybodies can- not tell what is being served in them. R.C. O’Brien KRAZY WRACKS “give a sentence with the word ‘4 Thesaurus” “His wife was thesaurus Complete, _in- A GAME WE'D LIKE TO SEE Joun D.—Henry—I'll shoot the works. comicbooks.com