Judge — August 29, 1925 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

in town!” MOTOR TROUBLE NO. 1 “—and before I could stop I was back HANDBOOK FOR HUSBANDS Containing 1,001 Excuses for Staying Out Nights by Prof. Abeliar Glibtongue, A.B., C.D. Continued from last week—read on! OTOR TROUBLE No. 1.— (Note—This excuse should be delivered in a hoarse voice.) Was almost home when I accidentally shifted into reverse and, my dear, would you believe it, before I could stop I was back in town! And the embarrassing part of it was that I backed right into a saloon! Motor Trouble No. 2.—Started home and found stecring wheel was stuck so that I could only steer in one direction. Couldn't stop until T landed in ———— (Supply name of town as far away as possible from your own.) Borrowed a compass from a passerby and got car headed in right direction and by tacking finally reached home. Warning—Do not use Excuses No. 1 and 2 consecutively. The Missed Train (To be used only in easy cases)—Missed 5.10—went in booth to phone and got five wrong numbers—Missed 5.30—went back to phone—all booths busy— missed 5.51—went back to phone— got six wrong numbers—missed 6.30 *—went back to phone, etc. Repeat as long as possible. If it doesn’t seem to be “going over” tum to “Emergency Section—No. 36A.” (This can also be used with trolley cars by city dwellers.) The Office Fire (Look around now for the nearest exit)—Terrible fire in the office! Phone book caught fire—couldn’t find number of Fire Department so had to fight the fire ourselves with lily cups. Telephone wires burned so couldn’t phone home. Overcome by smoke. (Continued Next Week) 13 —=— Babes in the Wood. Headlines I Never Expect to See EMPSEY Knocks Out Wills. Chinese Government Irons Out Difficulties, Mexican President Runs for Re- election. Prince of Wales Rides Winner in Kentucky Derby. John D. Rockefeller Gives Up Golf. Says It Is Young Man’s Game. Germany Settles in Full with Allies. Wayne D. Wheeler Is Indicted as Rum Runner. President of Telephone Company Confesses That Service Is Poor. John S. Sumner’s Bedroom Farce Is Season’s Hit. Los Angeles Chamber of Com- merce Admits Superiority of San Francisco. John F. Hylan re-elected Mayor of New York City. Last Bottle of Bootleg Booze in Country Emptied in Sewer Amid Cheers of Bystanders. Natural gas is the result of the mecting of a hole-in-one golfer and a man with a perfect radio. comicbooks.c