Judge — July 25, 1925 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Expecrant Farner (hearing office phone ring)—Hello! NEITHER, NOR by Don Herold FRIEND of mine is expecting a uew baby at his house any minute. The other day his office telephone rang, and he answered the electric fan. One night last week he went to the theater. He called up his wife to give her his seat number, and asked the operator for Main F 4 Right. Let’s not be impatient with Mr. Bryan. It has taken us a hundred million years to evolve his type. It may take another hundred million years to get rid of it. Whoever wrote the saying, “Virtue is its own reward,” probably had some personal reason for wanting people to be good at reduced rates. If there is anything in life worth while it is that sweetness possessed by many old ladies (and some young ones). Most old men are old rascals, hardly worth the clay they are made of. If a man is not mar- ried to a sweet old lady (or to a young one) his life at best is pretty much of a hollow mockery. Thought, itself, is probably a superstition. This is a free country. Anybody who wants to can send in a fire alarm and bring out a half million dollars worth of roaring, hell-raising, red wagons, stopping traffic on the cross streets and upsetting blind men and apple carts. The most hysterical hunky can enjoy this power. There should be some sort of literacy and sanity test for fire alarmers. Keys to fire boxes should (Continued on page 27) orth. F; Vaudeville (A Typical Future Program if Present Tendencies Continue) Act I Kid McGuffy, lightweight champ, assisted by young Kid Grogan in “Punch-inello.” Act 2 Mamie De La St. Clair, co-re- spondent in the famous Guffus divorce case, assisted by the six stepping divorcees. Act 3 Baby Betty, juvenile murderer and firebug. Act 4 Mike McTeague, forger and rob- ber of the First National Bank, in a little sketch, entitled: “Dough— Ray—Me.” Act 5 Peter Perkins, Peppy Pickpocket and his trained hands. Act 6 General Burlesque by members of this week's Dill, including vaude- ville’s best known murderers, co- respondents and similar artistes. Act 7 Reading of criminal court calen- dars. Suppose the magazine cover girls should strike? comicbooks.com