Judge — July 18, 1925 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Probably the way they will finally stage the Dempsey-Wills comedy- drama, The Train Announcer at Home Te parlor is all set for the arrival of the guests. A large clock hangs from the wall. Beneath it isa bulletin-board upon which are posted the names of the expected guests. Next to some is written “on time,” next to others “five minutes late,” and so forth. The guests, upon arrival, are not introduced to those already waiting. The train announcer's little boy stands behind a table in the corner of the room. The table is covered with popular periodicals, cigars, chewing gum and candy. The train announcer stands in the center of the room and speaks to no one. Every once in a while some courageous person toddles over to him to ask a question, to which he replies that he is not the information clerk. Suddenly and without warning he bursts forth in stentorian tones: “Dinner served on main table in dining-room at six-thirty, Eastern Standard time. Each guest hold your own invitation. Invitations good for this meal only. Those ar- riving late will not be permitted to cross the threshold of the dining- room. Meal consists of Saratoga chips, Boston baked beans, Philadel- phia cream cheese, Washington pie, Virginia ham, Concord grapes, Cam- bridge tea, fig N@wtons, orangeade, Charlotte russe and Pittsburgh stogies.”” R. C. O'Brien Valedictory L“* night I pondered deep and long And, with a bleeding heart, I came to this decision, dear, The time has come to part. My love for you is dead, and now L hope that you'll agree To waste no time with vain regrets For what can never be. T'll let you know that I was much Put out about it when You said to me, “get out of here And don’t come back again.” Phil Rosa Doing Away With Grade-cross- ing Accidents We can learn a lot from the little independent state of Albania in the Balkans. There has never been a grade-crossing accident in Albania; an automobile has never collided with a locomotive there. That is not due so much to the fact that the Albanians are careful drivers as it is to the fact that there are few auto- mobiles in Albania and no railroads atall. Correct Willis—Do you think the radio is Evolution as desired by subur- driving out the phonograph? banites, who have to do all the shop- Gillis—I_ don't know but it cer- ping. tainly is drowning it out. 'y The pessimist starts out on a canoeing trip with his girl.