Judge — July 18, 1925 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

[I was the morning of the great trial. The great State of Tennaho had passed a law prohibiting teaching litle children in the public schools that stepping on a crack will not break your grandmother's back. A teacher in a little Tennaho vil- lage had defied the law and told his pupils to step on all the cracks they wanted to. Thousands had come to attend the trial. There were balloon ascensions, merry-go-rounds, hot-dog stands, sideshows, and plenty of ice water for man and beast. Nobody went to the “trial. Well, the lawyers, and a few old grandmothers and a bunch of concrete sidewalk contractors went to the trial, but everybody else watched the balloon ascensions and rode on the merry-go-rounds and had a good time, thus manifesting their deep interest in the scientific and religious problem which the great trial was to settle. Nine hundred children got stomach-ache from eat- ing too much crackerjack and drink- » ing too much red lemonade. Seven- teen sympathetic grandfathers drank bad liquor and passed out. Two hundred adults got typhoid off the tin cups at the drinking barrels. ‘There were thirty-one fist fights. A _ trap drummer killed a trombone \ ia The human race certainly First Juror—Well, I’m convinced. Sxconp Juror—Sounds scientific to me. THE GREAT TRIAL by Don Herold showed its dignity and its divinity that day if it ever did. The trial itself was a grave and tedious and boresome affair. Some of the worst brains of the country were there. The cement sidewalk contractors were especially keen to have the defendant cleared. They wanted (Continued on page 27) Unpublished Testimonials Or Why the Ad Men Have to Write Their Own S.0.S. Foot Tonic HEN I was four years old I contracted a case of pernicious hives feeding bees on my uncle’s caterpillar farm. Fortunately I bought a package of $.0.S, Foot Tonic and now the bees don’t come near me any more. At least they are gentlemanly enough to buzz when they're going to sting me but S.0.S. didn’t even fizz. “Scarlet Slaves of Secret Sin” Dear Mr. Hiviincpam, Suersert Fiasco: I have scen your stupendous, spirited, sensational, scintillating super-serial production, “Scarlet Slaves of Secret Sin,” and beg to inform you that I consider it one of the most awful things I’ve ever seen on Broadway. I don’t know whose fault it was but my seats were so far over on the side that a policeman going up Seventh avenue told me to “keep moving.” The only thing that can possibly save your show is criticism for its rank immorality. I will withhold my judgment from publication until next week. P.S.—Will you ask your box office to reserve seats for me for a party of six this Saturday night and please send the bill direct to me. Richard S, Wallace “T had to discharge my nurse for the most horrible cruelty.” “What did she do?” “Kicked my poor darling Fido for biting the baby.” 1s ee comicbooks.com