Judge — July 11, 1925 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

— Swan Songs «<Q re we can beat it; it’s just a freight.” “I told you when we were married I was to be boss; no woman can dictate to me.” “This liquor does taste a little funny, but I guess it’s all right.” “You gotta quit making such a fuss about little mistakes in spelling, and gimme a raise, or I'll quit.” “Don’t get funny with me, officer, or I'll report you to the commis- sioner.” “If you're sure the stock will pay twenty per cent., and is perfectly safe, I'll take it.” “Don’t be afraid to point it; it isn’t loaded.” “It’s awful slow going off; go up and blow on the fuse.” “I smell gas; gotta match?” Chauncey McGarry Morley Taxt Driver—Hey, you sap! D’ye want th’ whole street? write. Jones (addressing neighbor's fowls)—Now, which seeds would you | like first? I’ve got nasturtiums, sweet peas, broad beans, gladioli and | calceolarias. A Vegetarian Romance | “Come, lettuce get married,” said Arti. “Will your celery keep two?” asked she. “With carrot willdo and I think, dear, Something better will turnip,” said he. She replied, slightly radish from blushing, (Though her rouge was parsley the fault). “T've always bean true, and I'll still be, Though your kale may not keep us in salt.” So off to old Pars’n Ipp’s cottage Onion road, the wedding to stage, | They spud, and it took but a second In this modern taxi-cabbage. But you can't beet a taxi-cab meter Appeasing the bill left him broke. Caused a lump to sprout in his thorax, And nearly made poor Artichoke. However, they were not cress’fallen; To the house on the corner they went, Woke the Pars’nip from his slumber, On the greensward held the event. Of a Cole 8 he made her a present, And they now take a spinach night— And this is the endive my story For there isn’t mushroom left to N. H. Randall \ Funnybones/~ Permanent Ware Enthusiast: “Long lire the Kink.” a comicbooks.com