Judge — July 4, 1925 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

you on the phone.” “Here are the morning circular letters and that bond salesman wants “Sometimes I wish I weren't such a national character.” THE SLAVERY OF BEING PROMINENT by Don Herold Tria are three matters to which I must give my imme- diate attention to-day. I must order my Fourth of July fire- works, and I must cast my vote for my favorite dish in the campaign now being conducted by the United Restaurant Owners’ Association, and I must answer that letter from those oil burner people who want to in- stall an oil burner in my house prac- tically without any cost to me. There's the telephone ringing. It was that salesman to whom I talked at the Smash Motor Car Co., last March, wanting to know if I have yet reached a decision in regard to buying a Smash car. Sometimes I think I will never catch up with my mailing list and telephone obligations. So many people have got my name on their mailing lists and have got hold of my telephone number, that I am becoming one of the biggest and busiest men in this country. The pressure on us public figures (whose names are in the telephone directory) is something terrific. No wonder we have to play golf. But golf simply postpones our agony; when we get back to our offices or homes, the mail and the telephone calls are just stacked up that much higher. After all, about the best thing for us to do is to stay at our desks and grind. Here it is the middle of May or June, and I had completely for- gotten about the Fourth of July. It is a good thing I received this fireworks catalog, or I might not have had a firecracker to my name on the glorious Fourth. The catalog says, “Order early, avoiding disap- pointment and delay.” (Continued on page 28) DavucutEer—My good people. Unpublished Testimonials Or Why the Ad Men Have to Write Their Own Simpson’s Simple Salve for Sore Stomachs POILED my stomach as a child eating overripe cocoanuts on my father’s monkey ranch, and had to keep it hidden at most social gatherings. It was very embar- rassing, particularly as I was subject to dizzy spells and went around in exclusive circles. On one of these trips to Hoboken I was struck by an idea and have been flat on my back for six weeks. In the entire three years I have massaged daily with Simpson’s Simple Salve. In fact, it’s the only thing I can keep on my stomach, Meyer's Holeproof Mayonnaise For twelve years I used to run a boarding house all over town. I didn’t mind the traffic policemen so much but the passengers used to eat up all the food I gave them, that is, if I gave them. I was worried sick until finally I found a broken bottle of your Holeproof Mayon- naise up near the R. R. tracks. Now I use it regular on my boarders and save all kinds of vittals I can keep over for Saturday hash. Richard S. Wallace = Loe ft 7 ~ I intend marrying George, whatever ao you say. He's the only man of my acquaintance whom I could divorce with- out regret. comicbooks.com