Judge — June 27, 1925 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

I Know a Girl— ne thinks a mashie is a swell cake- eater who hangs around the tees, that a putter is a rowboat with an outer-board engine and that a mid- iron is a kitchen utensil dedicated to the manufacture of pancakes, but she says golf is her favorite game. She says it’s so invigorating and healthful without bemg tiring and strenuous. I'm still wondering where she picked up that line. The other day we w them tee off and I said: “That girl's a great drive The girl friend im- mediately inquired when I'd been motoring with that hussy and prof- fered the information that just because she’s got a little roadster is no reason for her to think she can high hat everyone. I didw’t bother to explain. She then asked me what a stymie was. She said she was always afraid to go on the golf field for fear of mecting one and she didn’t know whether they were vicious or not. I told her that they were very vicious and that she'd better look out for them. She thinks that bogey is the fairy- story bad man, that par is the gentle- man who married her mother and that a bunker is the rod they put in the front of automobiles. Yesterday afternoon I. said I wanted to explain a bad lie to her. She replied that I needn't bother to make any confessions to her because I ought to know by this time that we could never be more than friends. I told her I thought that was very lucky. Carroll > watching Crerx—That, Madam, is the most correct writing-paper for polite correspondence. Customer—But I wish to write ty my husband ! “Dry Fleet Bottles Up Chesapeake ay"—Headline in our local foun- tain of Hearstism It will be a big improvement on the stuff they've been selling. “Yes, my dear, we're decided to take our racation late this year to avoid the rush of people taking their racations early in the year to aroid the rush. Things That Annoy H avinG a left-handed man_ sit next to you in an armchair lunchroom and eat off your plate: Getting rid of your halitosis and then finding out that you're not popular anyway. Post stamps that stick to- gether but not separately. Being able to pick up England on ing able to your radio but not | pick up the h’s that th over there drop Me like something good to drink and announcers ing a host ask you if you'd then blast your hopes by say “Well, so would I.” Losing your hat in a restaurant and not being able to find one that fits Being compelled to hold your hat on a bus top. Being compelled to hold your breath in a crowded elevator. Robert Cyril O'Brien