Judge — June 20, 1925 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Evper.y GentLeman My dear Mrs. F ake, delighted to: meet you— you so erpound my theory that people are living longer and longer to-day! The Utilization of Dis- carded Doorknobs Some 500,000,000 of discarded door- knobs in the United States are going to waste, The situation is k Elburt Baskerville Mont- Spiff and Donald Zipp of the Bureau of Confounded Chem istry, United States Department of Engineering, — Profiteering, EI tioneering and Bucketeering, and 0. Howe Dumm, Head of the Ps College for Deeper Foundations under Hen Houses are responsible for the statement that jence has at last found a way to id this colossal waste. Dentists, logical Diabolic rte undiscoy- ered industries based on waste prod- ucts. New processes for making dis- carded doorknobs of an intrinsic com- m value, if < In some of the hackwoods hill neighborhoods of easter Tennessee are found to be very servie after being kiln-dried and | dened in the sun. Various flavors for soda fountains are obtained by boiling the knobs in crude oil and hydroeyanie acid They are used as well for golf balls in some of the country clubs of the Berkshires. They also make very Here rests poor Mrs. Bill Bummers, Her weary heart sprung a bad leak When her daughter of seventeen Stayed home every night for a week. sa nvirm ease aire ee pays #5 for OCR ne py Corea! pretty Easter eggs if painted artis- nally. The Psychologic investigatin College is now product: fr knobs lic, bime rum, bass drums, led doorkne as at mutter up we ean be assured that ne: doorknob will be left unturned until the vast overst that sciene Hy is put te structive, epi wmatical and y logical use that will be of immense value to the country. Nate Collier To My 1907 Model (In Desperation) a hoarse and wheezy like a thing accursed: ping car acquiver Just until October first Try and pull yourself together ders to ) fe hubs. : weather To the beach and country clubs, One more summer you'll be chuggy One more summer pant and cough, But in the fall, rheumatic buggy. I shall you pensioned off. You ha toiled since nineteen- seven Now the comforts you will know OF th; utomotive | n Where the ancient autos T caught you redhanded stealin’ an auto! Tiier—Well, gosh, it's been standin’ in front o° this graveyard all day an’ I thought the owner was dead. comicbooks.com