Judge — May 30, 1925 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“President Coolidge, T would like to see you press a button to wake the entire nation every morning.” “But, Mr. Herold. who would press a button to wake me up?” “That's what you get for being President.” GLORIFIED BUTTON PRESSING by Don Herold ORNINGS are the hardest. It M is said that embryonic babies repeat in their development the development of the entire race. Well, I do that every morning. I wake up, a hunk of protoplasm. Then I become a few kinds of jelly- fish, and gradually flower into a monkey, and finally into the missing link, then cave man, brute upon brute. and finally [ achieve trousers. About nine thirty, the first rosy tints of civilization begin to dawn in my soul, and, if all goes well, 1 am, by ten o'clock, about half glad Lam alive. Mornings need something. The ought to be some sort of galvanic grandeur to startle us to life each day, but there isn’t. I suppose this was the original fn tention of sunrises, but) mankind has somewhere lost sunrises, in the middle of his nights. Even if sun- rises came at a reasonable hour, most of us would miss them, because at least half our bedrooms are on the non-sunrise side of the house. To read the safety razor and shav- mg soap advertisements, you would think safety razors and shaving soaps would make men glad of life. would put song and dance into the birth of day, and make unnecessary that slow crawl of recapitulation which all of us (males at least) must make each morning, but those advertisements are the bunk. Whiskers are an in- evitable curse, and we must cut our way through them every day. At last I have thought of a prac- tical use for the President of the United State: I would have every bedroom in the country wired with an electrical pipe organ, with wires leading out, and ‘ross the States to the White House Washing’ Continued on page 30) Tom Swift And His Acrobatic Typewriter Tr eclipse was over and Tom turned (see “Tom Swift and His Reversible Worm”) to go home, mur muring to himself (r “Tom Swift und His Shakespearian Soliloquy “EL don't think much of the corona. I think I'll stick to lollipops,” and having left his moment's hesitation at home (see “Tom Swift and His Immedi: he entered the candy store he happened to he skating and bought five (Read “Tom Swift) Among the Suckers.”) So, well supplied with the neces- sities for his trip, he embarked upon the perilous voy: take him through the shifting keys and spacing bars of the big and littl C’s which lay between NX and V. (Read “Tom Swift in the Mphabet Soup.’ He had not gone far, however, be- fore a bell rang and warned him t he was nearing the end of the line. (Read m Swift and His Collaps ible Comma.”) — This worried Tom not a little (see om Swift and His Perturbation”) until his body gross. which was to Gigantic colored servant, Angus, shouted, “Hyphen idea! Why not quit the writing business and start to be an interior “Fine” (see “ Speeder’s Sentence “vou'll no sooner say it than PH do it.” (Read “Tom Swift and His Ready Acceptance.) And he forth- with set to work pounding ont period designs. Carroll scorato m Swift and His ), shouted ‘Tom, “Just what do you think o° this new farm bill that’s before the (After a long pause)\—"Derned if I know what to think, Ez, don't know what I do think, I don’t think T think anything about it.”