Judge — May 16, 1925 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An Artificial Love Story O* THE shores of an artificial lake th once lived a bachelor with an artificial leg and an artificial eye. He was very lonely, and it was plain to see that the artificial life he was leading was not agreeing with him Each evening he would sit in an artifi leather armchair before the artificial fireplace and | muse. To keep himself awake he frequently resorted to artificial stimuli in the form of quaffs from a decanter con- taining artificial liquor. But everything has an end. About ten o'clock (artificial time) one mom- ing he decided that he would a plunge into the artificial lake. it looked so tempting. But alas! when he dived into the water, his artificial leg (which was made of cork) floated and made it difficult for him to keep his head above water. After he had gone under for the third time, he was brought out more dead than alive. Artificial respiration was resorted to. He came to. He was brought into the house. The neighbors sent artificial fruit and flowers and a beautiful nurse to look after him. The last named had golden hair and vivid coloring Then one day he discovered that both were artificial and fell in love with her. He proposed. She accepted. The engagement ring was set with the most beautiful artificial diamond imaginable. Robert Cyril O'Brien a COT He GAWD EN “Our parrot says, ‘Polly wants a cracker.” “Gee, you're out of date—ours says, ‘Polly wants a cocktail.” JUDGE /| REMARKS / Cavin Coo.ipcr took part in coll “tended to the edu not my legs.” That accounts for his imperfect understanding. asked if thleties. tion of my hea Parmer Canrieio, Feperan Pro- wipition Director ror New York City—"Sixteen more 3 be permitted to pass in drouth be fore final judgment is given on the question of the success or failure of prohibition.” It's a long time between drinks! ars should News [rea—"Columbia experts assert ethyl gas is a public menace.” So is Congressional gas! Heapune—"High rents Now that you speak of it, they annoy usa little too. News Heaptinr—"Odd sea mon- sters found by Bingham.” Must have been inside the three | mile-limit! Tur Wortp—"1,909 murders and only 231 convictions in New York City in the last seven years.” Let's see! How long now has Hylan been Mayor? News Notre challenged by recent Dr. Dayton C. Miller. Absolutely, Mr. Einstein, positively Dr. Miller! “Einstein Theory: is tests.” says Dewpsey—"My manager's word is law with me.” Who does ke mean, Jack or Estelle Taylor? Kearns comicbooks.com