Judge — May 2, 1925 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

= Fa She Perocrous hmoyppe tragon that Ives in the loppy red caves of the Punealbert mountains. Its eyes are coals Are and Smoke issues From its nostril Lt lves on Lidy red tins and never bles he longue Cnlented nalives milk choc- olate cows i the Hershey, meadowS F q Te Aetburbrisbane bird that ests a. the columns oF Editorial Plateau, gathering Jiucy Bignerd berries from the Ihesaurus bushes in the £n- cyclepediabrilannica Highlands, ’) 4 4 The eluswe Tlephonenumber: a modest self conscious mant- mal that inhabits the bell shaped caves of the Switchboard chit Almost impossible to capture, end when chsely pursued by hunters 7 ges the ba: Mrs. Moron—Well, what's the news to-night? Mr. Moron—Mutt and Jeff have had a fight, Abie the Agent was robbed, and Andy Gump shot his mother-in-law! My Suburbaphobia (Continued from page 13) I was raised in a simple, lovely litle town of 2,000, Bloomfield, Ind. Then I moved to New York. On Sunday I read the real estate sections exhorting me to own my own home, to move out to God's good suburbs and get up to my neck in mortgages and ashes and snow. Ha! ha! (I am quite mad!) I read about rent receipts—how it was not a good thing to have nothing at the end of the year but a stack of useless rent receipts. Everybody knocked New York. Visitors came and said to me, “New York is a nice place to visit, but it is no place to live.” Well, compared to Bloomfield, Ind., it isn’t. But we can’t all live in Bloom. field, Ind. There aren't enough sub- ways there. There aren't enough here, but that is another story. And for some strange reason, 7,000,000 people think New York is a good place to live. Once more, where there is so much smoke there must be fire. They said New York was no place to raise children. I learned that the suburbs are no place to raise parents —this parent, at least. I have con- sulted my year-old daughter Doris and she says she does not care where she is raised. I care where I am raised. Statistics (don't ask me to produce them) show that city children are healthier than suburban children. Sy Mrs. Herold says it is because city Signal and disappearly/p ra | children are aired and suburban | children are exposed. City children | are let loose in beautiful parks under | the eve of mothers or nurses. Inci- | dentally, city mothers and nurses are better aired. Suburban children are turned out of doors to the mercy of Nature, and they sit in mud puddles or snow banks and they fall off precipices and fall out of trees, and die off like flies. City children live long. That is one on why the population of the cities is so much larger than that of the suburban towns. T can look at any New York man at two o'clock in the afternoon and tell you whether he lives in the city or the suburbs. If he is a subur- banite, he is already under the ten- sion of catching the 5.15. Every move he makes all afternoon is colored by his concern for catching the 5.15. He is just about half a man. (His mornings are ruined, too. All morning he is subsiding from the nervous flurry of catching the 8.40 into town. Trains are not caught subconsciously. It takes the best brains a man has to catch trains. Anyway, it took the best brains I | had.) A Chinese laundryman really lives the ideal life, and we should all ap- proach his system as nearly as pos- sible. He works in one room and lives in the other. He has life about as nearly conquered as it is possible to get it. New York is no place to live, but if you have to live there, you might — —t comicbooks.com