Judge — March 14, 1925 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| Pollyanna Takes to Crime “Dotrranna of the Bloody Pus t—to the bar!” ng. the little glad girl with gory hands took the stand. “Pollyanna,” growled the judge. “you are accused of passing ten bad checks upon members of your family! Is this true?” mi * piped Pollyanna, It is true that I passed a check fora million dollars on my poor deceased mamma,aslikewise some million dollar cheeks upon my poor defunet papa and grandma and grandpa and uncleand aunt and sister and brother respectively. But th: they were bad checks, I deny; the were goodie-goodie-good checks— xoodie-goodie, better-besty checks!” clapped Joyously Pollyanna her ds. “We shall prescind from their goodie-goodiness,” snorted the magis- trate. “and more serious charge. Is it true, Polly- anna, that you beheaded in their proceed to a beds the several members of your family? “Oh, Polly eagerly, as she ticked off her decapitations on her fingers. “There was mamma and papa and grandpa and Uncle Max and—" cried the judge: “Little ad Girl, why did you commit this yes, your honor,” agreed sad offense?” * or will yez come out and fight? “Oh, Judgeywudgums,” protested Pollyanna, “it was a glad offense! My family were always so sad and sour I wanted to make them happy and gay for a day!” “But how “So T gave each a million dollar check, and you should have seen how glad they were. Of course there wasn’t any million dollars, but I told them not to cash their checks until morning. and carly the next day, before they should wake up to find everything out and be sad again, I crept pitta-patter into all their rooms, and with my little hatchet snicke their happy heads off! Forgive me, judge: I only wanted to give them the ‘Smile That Won't Come Off!” At this touching family affection the great big juc burst into tears. “Forgive you, my child? erect a statue to you And so it was done... . And to this day, in the market square of Jollyberg, the terra cotta figure of Pollyanna, with a bloody hatchet in her right hand, and and nine other happy heads encircling -snip—chopped all f we evidence We will you may behold happy head in her left hand, her fect, and at the base of the monument this inspiring motto: For the Greater Happiness of the Greatest Number. Cyril B. Egan Tuony (March 17)—For th’ last time, will yez give us “Th’ Wearin’ of the Grane, JUDGE GOSSIPS Jupce is feeling very happy, these days, over a letter from ye editor of “Passing Show"—England’s — fore- most humorous weekly. You must feel very good with yourselves, over your paper, these days. as it has im- proved out of all knowledge recently, and in my opinion, is easily the foremost humorous paper in its class.” Rule Britannia, say we! The Jvupce Round Table Lunch Club had their first’ meeting over at Cavallo’s Chop House last week and a time had. ‘Thirty-six, count ‘em, contribs, gath- ered to “break brea There were no casualties. convivial was Reports coming in from all over the country, including Chicago, tell us that JupGe’s crossword puzzles are making a great hit in the movies They are already appearing weekly in over 150 the Rumor has it that Will Hays saw one and almost laughed himself to death. ters. Arthur Lippmann, who writes so ably for this periodical of pleasure, presented ye ed with a case of real Southern last week. A dam good writer, that fellow! molasses The Juvce represented at the Beaux Arts Be which held at) Mrs. Astor's Iry recently, and a good. time had by all, including Bob Patterson, the demon dancer. Bob was kind of peeved, though, because they broke the party up at seven in the morning. jesters were welt was hos' Was Carroll Carroll announces that he is working on a new play and that he is going to call it “They Threw What They Wanted.” comicbooks.com