Judge — March 14, 1925 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Young man, don't you know you oughtn't to smoke cigarettes.” “Lady, I figure I've got to sow my wild oats sooner or later.” DEMON NICOTINE by Don Herold HE anti-tobacco agitators for- get that there is considerable pain in being a person. This is something that I was not going to mention as long as I live, but it seems that the time has come for us to stand up and assert our agonies. There are mornings when the thought of my after-breakfast cigar is the only thing that enables me to bear up through the 573 mechanical operations of finding my bed slippers, through the 1,598 mechanical opera- tions of shaving and bathing, and through the 321 mechanical opera- tions of eating breakfast. I hate to break down like this, but it just seems here lately that things have been too much. The anti-tobacco leaders have had a meeting in Washington and have come out with jaws re-set against nicotine. They are going to get it if possible. They are even going to stop billboard cigarette advertising if they can. Yes, they are after nicotine right this time. (Let me mention here, by way of solace, a sweet and humorous and comforting book, “The Burning Shame of America,” with text by Richard J. Walsh and pictures by George J. Illian, and published at 81 by Willia Rudge, Mount Vernon, N. Y.—a handbook of easy reference for platform — speakers against the evils of tobacco—as deft a piece of kidding the reformers as has come to my nicotined attention in many months.) Well, now it seems to me that the, anti-nicotiners have lost sight of the fact that life was cither a colossal accident in the first place or that it has got pretty far out of God's hands, and that in cither case it calls for a cigar or cigarette or at least chewing gum—some little vice to help us forget. (I hate to be like this.) Do you ever for a moment sup- pose that God, way back there, (Continued on page 30) Prevent fake fights and bluffing. “t fool fans. Choose Your Career Now! I' THE young man is thinking about becoming an artist, he must make sure first of a romantic strain in his nature, wear a smock, and be fond of sipping tea. He will seek continu- ally to. express himself (usually collect) and will hang his studio with magenta curtains, because he feels he has a purple soul. If two or more artists gather together the group is called a colony, and is taken up by wealthy society matrons who are also trying to express. themselves. Once the artist finds a new way of painting the New York Harbor in rhomboids and concentric circles, using melted tar, they will all organ- ize together and call it a School of Expression. Directions for Artists After the young artist has grown old enough to stop biting the eraser off the end of his 1 pencil and swallowing it, his fingers will itch to draw things. He will draw trains of cars and chimneys with curlicue smoke on the inside of his geography book, and on billboards, and all over the tablecloth if any, and on the walls inside telephone booths. Tn fact he will draw everything but attention and a salary. At twenty-nine he will starve to death in a garret. table. avoid it; don’t go into garrets. Corey Ford This last is inevi- There is only one way to Instrument to register force of blow, so fighters comicbooks.com