Judge, 1925-02-14 · page 10 of 36
Judge — February 14, 1925 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Satire Analysis This page satirizes modern jazz-age frenzy by setting it in ancient Athens (601 B.C.). The main piece mocks how a popular song—"It Ain't Gonna Pain No More"—by a fictional Spartan band creates such cultural hysteria that business stops, the army disbands, and lawmakers abandon their duties. The satire targets 1920s American obsession with jazz and popular entertainment, suggesting it's frivolous distraction from serious civic responsibilities. By transplanting this to classical antiquity, the piece ridicules how contemporary society abandons civilization for entertainment trends. The smaller jokes scattered throughout—about divorce suits, skiing accessories, and reluctant war participation—are typical Judge magazine filler commentary on contemporary social issues: marital dissolution, consumer culture, and growing anti-war sentiment (likely post-WWI).
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Parthenon Press Date: 601 B.C. Weather: Nothing to brag about Spartan Sono Hit Turiuis Atuens “It Ain't Gonna Pain No More™ Brings Throngs to Dancing Pacilion yrtevs and his Six Spartan Saxophone Shakers, now playing on the Acropolis, have taken Athens by storm. Tired business men, phil- osophers, serfs, auxiliaries and hand- maidens rub shoulders in frenzied efforts to crowd into the great pavilion where the Spartan jazz- masters blare out their new song hit: “It Ain't Gonna Pain No More.” In the language of the hoi polloi this song is a “wow.” The life ambition of Tyrtaus has been realized. He wanted to write the nation’s songs and lo! he has done it. No more need Archimedes seek amusement in drawing circles in the sand. Diogenes may forsake his tub, call up a flapper, and for one drachma gambol three times around the pavilion to the strain of this ex- hilarating tune. Business is para- lyzed, the army is disbanding, and the lawmakers do not convene as all Athens dances day and night. For the benefit of those in out- Funnybones The garment which reveals the moat ts the divorce suit. a Usadige will poy 85 for oach one printed Vig A “Mummie, L may as well warn you that P'm going to start prayin’ fora bicycle, so you'd better begin savin’ up.” ‘The accessories fiend takes skiing. WIL WY up lying stations who have not beet fortunate as to hear this new musical triumph we print the chorus: “It ain't gonna pain no more, no more, It ain't gonna pain no more; ‘The Spartans can tell and they know damn well That it ain’t gonna pain no more.” Tt is hoped that all who read this will memorize it verbatim and teach it to their children, so that such a colossal lyric achievement be not lost to posterity. Edwin Rutt so tte Cheap skates never cut much ice. Aas Recording Angel (applying for ad- mission to lower regions)—Got a job here for a good reporter? They've started consolidating the newspapers in Heaven, Its Finish Black—Why did you trade that car you bragged on so for a new one? Annishade—Oh, the Smith's got a new one and my wife developed a knock. “All chokin’ to one side,” said the referee, as he barred the strangle hold. eeey The next war will be between those who won't go and those who try to make them go. comicbooks.com