Judge — December 20, 1924 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Merry Christmas! In accordance with his annual custom Jupce wishes lils readers a Merry Chirstmas. He liopes you liavevall written to Representative John Philip Hill, of Maryland, for those marvelous recipes by which he makes fruit juices non-intoxicating infact whatever they are in stomach. Have plenty’of this hannless homemade dynamite on hand for the liolidays, It will help youaud your friends to enjoy them while upholding the majesty of the law. If wishes were horses JupGE would be his Christinas presenws tilsyear. Canon Chase he'd give a first-class fumigation; to Wayne B. Wheeler, the water cure; to Imperial Wizard Evans, a fresh nightie; to all ministers’ wives, a military training: to Prince Hurri Singh, an invitation to visit Long Island: lw crossword puzzlers, a five-letter word thut would fit anywhere; to A. B. See, a custard pie. rly lavish with Thus, to both Jason and The Ever Higher Education The University of Pittsburgh is planning a fifty-two- story building, to be known as the “Cathedral of Learning in which it will house the major portion of its activities. Elevators, local and express, working ceaselessly like ast loom of learning, or like pistons in a twin six engine of education, will shoot the young idea to and from its class rooms and laboratories. Thus Alma Mater will be setting her sons and daughters an example in punch and go, efficiency and “domination,” which ought to make them the Woolworths of their generation. We have wondered somewhat whether the elevators for this skyscraper of scholarship will be furnished by Mr. A. B. and in any shuttles ina case whether education by elevator won't reconcile him to the higher learning The Babbit Bible This fifty-story rah, rah factory soon to rise in Pitts- burgh is quite in keeping, of course, with the new sky- seraper churches on which we commented a week ago. Both are in line with the efficient new Bible recently trans lated into business-like English by the Rev. Dr. James of Glasgow. In Dr. Moffatt’s version the 1, the “bulrushes” become “fags.” “barge.” the “mess of pottage” a and the Garden of Eden a park. (Note the altor in this last.) In other words. his Bible is just the kind to find favor in universities and churches that model themselves on office buildings. For it read as nearly as possible like the minutes of a dandy confer red omelet touch of MERRY CHRISTMAS! Jean Nuthuu, Your Step-aunt Aunty Everything said to us the other day “If you don’t give me a formal introduction to your aders I shall assume that you consider me a light woman and will again.” us to present. your Aunty Everything positively refuse to appear opposite your pag So, ladies and gentlemen, allow Unceke you may Sam's second wife, She is, as have notic temperament of his . the exact opposite in looks and rst wife, née Liberty, whose untimely death we shall never cease to mourn. Moreover, she has made it clear that her object in life is to obliterate what- soever might remind us of her predecessor, of whom she is insanely She will, if she can, destroy every in our lives, dictate what we jealous. vestige of joy drink, smok and home shall eat, read, wear and see; make existence a penance strait-jacket. cach give her So, be good children, now, and a sweet kiss, and Uncle Wiggly will hang a great big shiny star right up over your bedroom window. Either that or look out for the Ku Klux. The Real Rotters Woman is not the only sex to have a “dangerous age.” Man has one too. We should put it in the forties, slightly later than woman's, but overlapping it. is the time of life when disillusionment has come, but Vilality has not yet gone; when ideals have fattened out, but temptations remain, and particularly the temptation lo prove to oneself that youth is still a possession. Ernest Brace, a young novelist, thinks that the morals of adults, and particularly adults over forty, are than those of undergraduates, about which th so concerned. In cither case it worse relders are He suggests a “little brother” movement on the part of undergraduates to rescue their erring elders. “Pm sure,” he “a million undergraduates will be glad to help. . . . College men are much better behaved than their seniors. We feel that if the Republic is to be conserved, we must begin to watch our aunts and uncles.” He's probably right. In the eyes of youth virtue is romantic. In the eyes of midd able, and not entirely: that. Says, age it is merely respect- outh sick regard with Things that make Yet we reney our own excesses While fussing ‘an stomach without a qualm. compl ind fuming over the younger generation. For them we create curfew laws, boards of censorship and ordinances regulating bathing suits and dancing holds. rily, there exist. Anti-Saloon La Soci Lo protect them, prima- ues and Watch and Ward ies and Sabbath Day Alliances. What a lot of jealous hypocrites we are! comicbooks.com