Judge — December 13, 1924 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The confirmed arm chair lunch patron is invited out to dinner. The Absorbing Adventures of Professor Blotter ROFESSOR BiotTter, who was elected to the advisory board of the Producing Managers Association following his invention of the perfect theater, is at present giving his tention to securing the perfect audi- ence, “My first move,” said Blotter, ill be to do something about the chronic coughers. TL expect to install throat clinics in the lobby of each theater, and force everyone to under- go a thorough examination by a com- petent doctor before he is led to his seat. As for the theater gossips who whisper to each other during the play, I shall require each member of the audience to render a sworn statement signed by a notary public that he has said everything he to his neighbor until eleven o'clock that night.” In the same efficient manner Dr. Blotter has met the problem of people who bring candy to the theater that. is enclosed in a tissue paper that crackles when it is opened. Tackling the problem at its source, he went to the candy companies and stuffed all the chocolates wrapped in crinkly paper with a quaint East Indian ants to say ( \Eunnybones When a girl buys cheap hose, she ( always gets a run for her money. ak In this way Blotter hopes to he rid of the nuisance by Christ- mas. —— ude will pay $5 for ca poison. DOTTY DECLARES It’s often the rich who can't make both ends meet. ‘or the benefit of the people who » out loud whenever anvone “T have installed under each seat a small trapdoor letting down onto a number of long iron spikes. These son the stage trapdoors are operated by a small lever in the hands of an attendant overlooking the theater. At the first * Blotter smacked Swill release the trap!” sign of a giggle his lips “And after you have secured the Then T'll start to look for a play worth their seeing,” he replied. Corey Ford Love Is ? Rae—And did you visit Rochester on your wedding trip? Mae—I really don't know. You see, Jack always bought the tickets. ott What's the good of putting your shoulder to the wheel when the other fellow has his foot on the brake? Key to the Situation Lanigan—Whoi don’t yez go to yez room? Flanigan—Vhaix, Oi hov to wait until after dark, because the land- lady only gave me a noight key.