Judge, 1924-11-01 · page 8 of 36
Judge — November 1, 1924 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# The Old Grad's Return This satirical piece mocks how college communities celebrate the *wrong* people. An elderly alumnus attends a football game expecting to cheer for distinguished visitors, but the crowd erupts in wild ovations for campus *workers*—a track team rub-down man (Spike McGoof), a polo pony shoer (Sledge Slammer), and a pool-room operator (Hector McNutt). The joke's twist: when the *actual* college leadership appears (the President and deans), the crowd boos and demands they leave, telling them to "get outa the road." The satire criticizes misplaced college priorities—celebrating minor functionaries while dismissing institutional leaders. It suggests that student and alumni enthusiasm is directed at trivial or amusing figures rather than genuine authority or academic purpose. The Old Grad's confusion underscores how values have inverted at the modern university.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AX XXX ent ) “6 ! My 3 iH) The Old Grad’s Return HE Old Grad and The Youngster sat together. Suddenly a roar swept over the } stands. | Down in front the cheer leaders turned handsprings to herald the arrival of the great visitor. The Old Grad craned his neck. “I don’t scem to recognize him,” he quavered. The Youngster looked at him with pity. | “Why, that’s Spike MeGoof; he’s been the rub-down man for the track squad — three Wow! Attaboy! 5” | Hardly had this ovation died down when another broke loose. “Who is it this time?” whispered the Old Grad “Say,” breathed The Youngster, “you don’t know anybody! That's Sledge Slammer, who shoes the polo ponies. . . . R-a-a-a-y for Sledge!” Another brief then another storm. And again The Old Grad was puzzled. seasons .. . pause and Juvce—LU be merciful; ten days. “But, your honor, I was thinking of getting married to-morrow!” | JupGe—I'll be more merciful: three months! “Good gosh!" croaked The Young- ster, “Don’t you know him? ve that’s the one and only Hector MeNutt! 0-0-0-h, baby! Zowie! Give Heetor three more!” “But who is he?” asked the Old Grad. “Hector McNutt? He's one of the est men in the history of the Tony wants to sell coal like he sold ice CRASS ee ee, Wivseeevesy, OOOO XAAA AIA IKK, AXAAKAAAR LAANAK AKAN ARK XN college. Why, he runs the pool room and hot dawg stand just off the edge of the campus! ... Gosh!” Suddenly the mood of the college crowd changed. While the crowd roared in anger, the cheer leaders glowered at three frightenc nals who were struggling to find seats. “What th’ Sam Hill!” roared The Youngster, “why don't those birds looking indiv get outa the road! They don't amount to nothin’. Siddown, you birds! Put ‘em out on their car!” The Old Grav “Bless my remember them! 1 gazed at the: trio, he cried. “1 Thats...” “Yeah,” snarled The Youngster. “That's Prexy, and the two bozos the and the oldest dean! soul with him are assistanl prexy Chet Johnson Stout Supporters “How's Ci health cam “He’s living on the fat of the land.” Mahan doing with his