Judge — September 20, 1924 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“That woman is the most awful actress I ever saw,” said the mild-mannered man to his neighbor. “That woman is my wife,” replied the neighbor. “I am wrong,” said the mild-mannered man; “she is a good actress struggling with a rotten play. I wonder what fool wrote it?” “Unfortunately, I am the author,” said the neighbor, simply. —Tit Bits (London) FIs A recent film shows that an ant, if it were as large as a man, could carry 120 tons. What a husband he would make for a day’s shopping! —Passing Show (London) That Little Light Mary had a little light, It was well trained, no doubt, - For every time a nice boy called The golfer forgets himself while playing pool. The little light went out. . —London Opinion Out of Practice “Dyeats,” said my doctor, “lurks within the rump-steak; Those who devour potatoes soon suc- cumb; Misguided men, who coffee quaff, the mumps take; And tea is simply torture to the tum. Lobster and pork and pickles for a cert'll Give you the palsy and develop croup; While half a plateful of insidious turtle Lands you inevitably in the soup! “Put not your trust in quinces nor in ic Mushrooms and salmon are taboo, of courses plague, those meretricious spi We trace a lot of troubles to the sauce! On milk and nuts I'll keep you for the present; Wine you must never sip, nor cocktails sup; Nor must you ever touch the tasty pheasant, Or else you'll realize ‘the game’ is up!’ ” Last night I took my doctor out to dinner. I dined on a Brazil nut and a pea; But he, the reprehensible old sinner, Gorged on the dishes he'd forbidden me! lasked of him in righteous indignation, “What of those precious precepts that you teach?” He answered, “I should perish of starva- tion, Were I to practise half of what I preach!” —Hartley Carrick PIS Kindly Shopkeeper (as small boy enters) eS —What does my little man wish to buy— Belated Husband—Let me in, Susie—just come from meeting of chocolates? labor union—considering what we'll do about the strike. Small Boy—You bet your life I do; Susie—Well, you can just sit down there and consider what you but I've got to buy soap. will do about the lock-out! —Answers (London) —Passing Show (London) 27 comicbooks.com