Judge — September 13, 1924 — page 53: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

orman Anthot Good-by, Sumner Good-by— Good-by! National Prohibition is now five years old. And what have we to show for it, ladies and gentlemen? What, indeed, unless it is emptied prisons and abandoned insane asylums (to judge from what you see on the streets) and happier, more hilarious HOMES? What made Prohibition. What Prohibition. What of Wales PRO- the world flight possible? put the Dawes plan over? brought the Prince HIBITION. Take the Russian situation (or perhaps you here? prefer a Bronx’). There's nothing to it but vodka. Communism, famine, pestilence —all come from vodka and can be found in their most virulent forms on the banks of the lower Vodka. Which reminds me—us—that But vodka we? the farmers don’t like Wall Street, so Coolidge says we ought to have the World Series in Washington. That’s because he wants to toss the first’ ball. But suppose it’s a high ball absolutely cuckoo! Calvin will go And what will become then of a nation—we blush to say it—conceived in liberty and the pursuit of happiness? But to get back to Prohibition (funny how warm it can get in September!). Did you ever hear the one about the two drunks? One says to the other, “Didn't I see you in Chicago las’ Morris Houghton, William E: ar Fisher. Dramatic Editor, George Jean Nathan week?” And the other says, “That wasn’t no ” Aw, you’ve heard it! Well, anyway, as Maine goes, so goes the lady... country and that’s why it’s so important that Davis should win the Davis cup. As for us, sir, we'd rather be tight than be President. Which is just as well, you'll wisecrack. And may Canon Chase you! BUT if Prohibition is such a good thing, then what prompted Sun Yat Sen, rival of Chang Tso-Lin, to start north with his Hunan, Kiangsi and Kwangtung troops? And why should the Chekiang troops, fighting for Lu Yung Hsiang in the Hwangtu-Nansiang district, retreat to prepared positions near Hansiang be- fore the aggressive forces of Chi Hsieh-Yuan? Are they yellow? allied with Lu Yung Hsiang, former follower of Tuan Chi Jui, founder of the Anhui Party, that scoffaw is seeking the destruction of Wu Pei Fu. Pfui for him! Lin, chief lieutenant of Lu Yung Hsiang, who As for Chang Tso-Lin, And the same for H. Feng commands the Woosung forts, according to Ho Fang-Lin, by the old Sung Hwa Pagoda, lookin’ lazy at the sea. Ang Commandments. . . . W. m. H.