Judge, 1924-07-26 · page 11 of 36
Judge — July 26, 1924 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Free at Last!" - Judge Magazine Satire This page satirizes investment fraud and get-rich-quick schemes common in the 1920s. The main cartoon shows a naive businessman being swindled by a broker who promises to "eliminate uncertainty" by guaranteeing losses—then convinces him to hand over $10,000 to buy worthless stock ("Bird's-nest common") with assurances of selling it at a loss tomorrow. The joke: the victim feels "free" believing his anxiety about *not knowing* he'll lose money is worse than actually losing it. The accompanying small cartoons mock contemporary advertising ("built for you and no one else"), broken engagements, and faulty statistics about "average" Americans. The right column contains brief satirical commentary: complaints about misleading statistical claims, jokes about Soviet propaganda in Africa, and a jab at Mexico's stability compared to Chicago's crime. The satire targets both financial charlatans and the gullible public willing to surrender money to eliminate worry.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Free at Last! N THIRTY YEARS of business experience I had read that timeworn promise, “We save you moncy,” about 33 times, acted promptly, and suffered a cordingly. Imagine my delight when recently I saw this alluring sign across the entire front of a brokerage house: “Uncertainty Eliminated—We Your Money for You. Satisfaction Guaranteed.” I rushed in and demanded to see the president. One look at him and I knew he was the man who knew just how to do business with me to my distinct advantage. I frankly told him so. I asked that he explain the nature of his company’s system. “It's quite simple,” said he, kindly. “As you know, eve! is destined by the law of averages to lose something at some time or another. It's the uncertainty of not knowing how much he will lose that puts a burden upon him—keeps him, in fact, from feel- ing like a free man.” “Wonderful!” I cried. “I begin to feel a sense of freedom that I have never known before. The great weight of uncertainty is leaving m “As you are ready to begin doing busine continued my benefactor, “just give me your check for $10,000, I will buy Bird’s-nest common guarantee to sell it at a loss of to-morrow.” “How can I ever pay you?” I cried gratefully. “Just turn the remaining Lose miling y investor nid 00. to me.” “Gladly, oh, most gladly! tell you how happy I am! Tcan never H. H.R. Stranger—Pardon me, is some prominent official being escorted? New Yorker—I should say not! of the Hygrade Construction Co. Constant Alice—Did you return Harry's ring when you broke off the engagement? Virginia—Certainly not! I think as much of the ring as ev Hat Salesman—You saw our slogan, “Built for you and no one else?” Customer—Um-m-m—and what if I hadn’t come in for it? 9 That's the special guard for the payroll Complaint I HATE the average statistical nonsense I have to read. citizen but I haven't I am an average 93.88 in the bank and I don’t drink fourteen gallons of milk every month. What's more I haven't five children and we don’t pay rent at all. Town my house and the mortgage on it is not $3,400.50. My wife doesn’t get one pair of hose every fortnight, and we do not order one pound of sugar every other day. In fact, we buy the stuff in fifty-pound sacks. Our chewing gum bill is never fifty cents a week, and none of us uses snuff. sae The Soviet government plans a propa- ganda campaign in Africa. Hoping, doubtless, that when the Dark Continent sees the light it will be a Red one. Politics is singular both grammatically and actually. sae J. Hamilton Lewis says that Mexico is as peaceful as Chicago. Can things really be as bad as that down there? comicbooks.com