Judge, 1924-07-19 · page 7 of 36
Judge — July 19, 1924 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Higher Education" — Judge Magazine Satire This satirical article mocks university administrators' misplaced priorities through a fictional board meeting at Welford University. The directors debate funding a football coach while systematically dismantling academic departments. **The joke:** To pay for a championship football coach, they progressively abolish Greek, Latin, English, Mathematics, History, Chemistry, Physics, French, and German departments—eliminating "unnecessary courses" and entrance requirements. They then plan to sell the library's 200,000 volumes and subdivide the campus to fund a stadium. **The satire targets:** Early 20th-century American higher education's emphasis on athletics and fundraising over academics. Universities were increasingly commercializing, prioritizing football revenue and facilities while cutting classical education. **The cartoon above** shows a "moving diving board"—a plank on wheels for "beginners and timid bathers"—a visual pun on educational institutions becoming dangerously unstable. The piece argues that by chasing money and sports glory, universities abandon their educational mission and standards, becoming intellectually hollow institutions.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
& == > THE MOVING DIVING BOARD For beginners and timid bathers. HIGHER EDUCATION He directors of Welford University An important conference was in progress. id Barton, ~ Chairman of the board. “We can 000, and he’s cheap al the price. He's the best) football coach in the country. le turned that championship al Brentmore last year, didn’t he?” Baird. “He sure d pretty We've sat about a table. The proposition is this 1 Higgins for out * said Barton, “and with poor material to work with. ol to have him. The question is, aise the money?” “[ve a suggestion,” said Smith, ‘03, his feet. “Old Professor 500 for teaching Greek, his gels $1,500. Let's ish the Greck Department. Nobody That'll are we going to jumping to Rivers gets and assistant Is Greck nowadays, anyway. sive us $5,000 towards it.” ‘The motion was unanimously and en- thusiastically carried. “That leaves us $40,000 to go,” said the cha “We could cut out the That THN. Latin and ish departments. would give us $10,000 more.” “Sure!’ cried the directors in unison. “Everybody knows English anyway,” said Baird, “and what good is Latin?” “Thirty thousand to go,” said Barton. I's a lot of money.” “We've Baird. whole fa got to raise it,” exclaimed “Even if we have to abolish the ty —" interrupted Smith, “that’s an Let's the Mathematics, History, Chemistry, Physies, French and German Departments. That would give us t 30,000 we need.” “Allin favor—?" began the chairman, but there was no need to put the question. idea, abolish The motion was vociferously carried. “This is a big day for the dear old Maroon and Green,” said Barton. “With aman like Higgins in charge, victory next However, th or two other things Lwish to bring before this board. Now that we have abolished fall is certain. are one all those unnecessary courses that have cluttered up our curriculum, L can't sce y sense in retaining all those ridiculous requirements Uhat have had. LT think should abolish all entrance examinations, exeept- ing a physical ex: id “That's a cried Smith. “There's a bunch of huskies down in the mills that we could get up here. ‘They'd make the State U. look sick next Thanks- giving.” “Then the motion is carried,” said Barton. “Now, one thing more. For ts Welford University has had to hang her head in shame because she's entrance heretofore we we great ic 5 had no stadium. Every other college or university of impe adium where they could hold their big game Dut our alma mater, the lion of learnin content with ance has a atest institu nthe country, has to be noold wooden grandstand Are we going to stand for this humiliation to old Welford? HNG I “Here is my pla continued Barton “We have a library of 200,000) volumes which ne Lets sell them. We ought Lo raise 000 on theme” “We the equipment of the chemistry tory!” interrupted Smith “And, say.” eried Baird. “why not eut up the campus into building lots? We could get at least $200,000 for them Loud prevented Baird finishing his speech “That gives us $300,000," said Barton the W Mord Stadium is an assured fact. This is the test day in the history of Welford University chorused the directors. ever reads, to be able one could) get another $25,000 for labora cheers from solemnly. “Gentlemen, Tmight say the greatest day in the history. of higher America. education in Before the meeting adjourns Tet us all rise and sing our alma mater song. “Fair Welford, ‘Thy Sons Loyal Shall Be.” Jonau Cunnincuam. Ever comicbooks.com