Judge — July 12, 1924 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

What to Do In Case Your House Gets on Fire AT ANY moment a f in your house. ‘There were over $1,000 fires last year east of the Rockies. You may be the next vietim. break out The first thing to do is to make certain that your house really is on fire. Do not rush off and sound the alarm, only to be obliged to apologize to the fire d:part- ment, when it arrive: line of smoke carefull, are quite certain there at once to the telephone and get Central. Do not be dismayed in case the the middle of the night wait. Employ the Follow up. the and when you all is in ad you have to time by dressing yourself completely with your other hand. The probability is that by the time Ccn- tral answers you will be completely robed and ready to receive the firemen when ill ask at “Is this you Central?” you ” * then If Central answers, “My you advise me to do Central will reply: “One moment, pl you with Information. If your house has not al house is on fire. What would T will connect y burned to the ground by the time you get Infor- mation, then say: “What would you advise me to do?” Information will then tell you. There is only one more point to be considered. Be sure that you have the proper address, including the number of your house and any other facts about IF THE MODERN WOMAN COULD WAVE ONE WISH “You've inflicted those things on us for some thousands of years; now we've passed a constitutional amend- ment whereby you will have to endure them for the rest of time—and all the flub-dub that goes with them.” your past life and the members of your family, all ready for Information. Many ed by promptness in supplying these necessary facts houses have been sa MMs soe “Of course, there was ‘Cop d'Or,” but I couldn't see that at first."—The New York Evening Post, quoting Queenie Smith. More police graft? Speaking of Dying A..or of prominent writers have been 44 writing pieces—and_ selling them, telling about how near they came to dying in the doctor's last camps abdominal sector. too gn in the All these fellows have produced only one round-trip apiece to the gates of eternity. [can do better than that. So could you. t time when [ was a kid. 5 ake this castor oil. I I die first! T took the castor oil. A close shave, you'll admit. When [was a very young man, I met the most wonderful: girl in’ the world. (No, not that one. The other one.) I told her that if she didn’t marry me I would kill myself. The next week she ran off with the druggist’s clerk. I shiver *n yet when I think of how close I came to doing a good turn for the undertaker. They had a county fair in the town I was in a couple of years ago. An aviator was taking up passengers for $10 a trip. I didn’t go. And only last week my uncle Bill told me one of his inimitable stories about. Pat and Mike. I nearly died laughing. Adv Graces of Sterne and the satire of Thack- eray; Dash of Defoe in his genial hijackery; Humor of Dickens and romance of Scott; Strength of Dumas, just to thicken the plot; Fielding’s humanity (well under curb). Where? Anywhere, if you judge by the blurb. First Juror—Do you think she’s guilty, George? “No, she don’t look innocent enough to be guilty.” 15