Judge — July 5, 1924 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a | ner ee = ee The Travel Directed WANTED — An officer with considerable war nce in the movement of troops to help get a family off to the country for the summer, nap hardly inserted the foregoing ad- vertisement. in the newspapers when a dapper young chap of military carriage presented himself at my office. “You served in the war?” [ asked when he had declared he came to make appli- cation for the position. “Yes, sir.” he replied snappily. “At various times I was detailed at the ports of embarkation and debarkation, in the departments of railway and motor trans- port and at several flying fields. In the Quartermaster Corps I handled great quantities of baggage and freight, man- aging the transportation of the wardrobes of as many as two generals al once. For a time I commanded a detachment of Military Police and I was once on duty in France evacuating refugees under shell fire.” “The very man to move my family to the country successfully!” T cried. “But don’t. get overconfident. It is no small task.” He said he realized the difficulties before him and set to work on route maps and graphs of the usual family objections. A week before the day of the zero hour he reported he was ready to send out orders under my authority. IT gave it. With great forethought a couple of husky young nephews had been routed in the same train with the baby, their duties being to assist the nurse in carrying the iced milk, and so forth. An aunt with rare qualifications as a billeting officer was dispatched ahead. The servants were sent up by the family motor car Napoleonic stroke! And it was craftily managed that under no circumstances would I have to travel with any of the children, ery arrangement, in fact, was ideal. T warmly grasped my transportation officer by the hand. “My. boy * T con- gratulated, “allow me to award—" d My wife was shaking me. “You'd better omit. these after-dinner snoozes,” she warned, id start. figuring how “the family to. the country this summer. You don’t think anybody else is going to do it for you, do you! Faireax Downey. you're going to Modern Martyrs Mie mayor who had to kiss the girl who won the beauty contest. The girl who won the beauty contest, who had to kiss the mayor. The committee of awards, who had to pass on all the candidates. The candidates, who submitted to the ordeal because their friends and families told them how beautiful they were. ‘The steady company of the candidates who, while the affair was going on, lan- guished in discreet retirement. The man who was in love with the girl who won, and who had to listen constantly to this whispered comment: “Yes, they always pick out mongrels.” Rata Newriche—I don’t suppose you're used to driving men like me, are you? New Chauffeur—Oh, yes, 1 drove the police patrol for three years. att Patron—Pardon me, but what will these photographs come to? Photographer Now, look pleasant, please. sos Probable result: of the York radiophone conneetion “Are you there?’ “Tl say I am.” Seventy dollars a dozen, London-New “Yes, decidedly woman is the superior sex.” “Huh?” “She can tilt her hat over one eye without looking tough.” 9 ? rs Future New Yorker—Say, Storkie, if it’s all the same to you, would you mind droppin’ me somewhere on the East Side? I'd kinda like to be a governor or a cardinal some day. 7 Ny The Ancient Aristocracy * [718 suid the portly but rather dis tinguished looking gentleman, “not only a shame and a disgrace, but a rank outrage. IT tell you gentlemen it is beyond me where these new-rich oil men find the courage to ask entrée into our against it, I tell lieartily against it. be taught their place. ‘The visitor turned to his friend with a sympathetic shake of his head. “One of the old-timers, eh, who feels circle. Tam you, ‘These fellows must the influx of the noveaur-riches keenly. From way back, I suppose? “Well,” was the reply, “he made his in munitions.” To Be Sure Mrs. Nagg—Who was it that said, “T thank God | am not as other men?” Mr. Nagg—Some bachelor sae Landlady while taking your bath’ Boarder—The bathroom stay locked. Why do you always. sing door won't comicbooks.com