Judge, 1924-06-28 · page 7 of 37
Judge — June 28, 1924 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Biology Professor's Bedtime Story" and Baseball Cartoon The main story is a whimsical fable about bacteria (Peter Bacillus) courting Nellie Schizomycetes, told as children's bedtime fare. It's largely a lighthearted romantic tale with biological terminology replacing human names—seemingly meant to amuse educated readers familiar with microbiology. The cartoon below addresses a contemporary issue: baseball umpire disputes. It depicts the "U.S. Supreme Court of Baseball" with judges striking while players dissent, captioned as the "ultimate solution of the umpire problem if the present dissatisfaction continues." This satirizes ongoing arguments over umpire calls and suggests that if complaints persist, the solution would be replacing human umpires with a court system—absurdist political commentary on labor/authority conflicts of the era. The page also includes minor humor items about Prohibition enforcement (the "wholesale dry raids" closing cabarets) and a joke about a speeding pastor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE BIOLOGY PROFESSOR’S BEDTIME STORY P ok Bactutus had ompletely lost his ap- petite. — Yes, completely, absolutely, in toto. Now when Peter Bacillus loses his appetite something must’ be very wrong with him. Peter has always boasted that he ean bite his way through a nice piece of human being at any time. In fact, boys and girls, the two thi that illus thinks about mos’ > his victuals and his interest: in arch . and most of the scrapes Peter has gotten into are on account of those two germinal if L may be personal for a moment facts. very since Old Red Corpuscle had come to live in Liverville, Peter had been a little afraid to go out and play. Old Red Corpuscle looked) so flushed) and angry every time Peter went out to get his lunch that little Peter had str qualms about his future. Whichever way he turned one of Old Red Corpuscle’s family there and Peter longed for the old days when nice Mrs. White Corpusel little children lived there and no one interfered with his meals or amusements. ‘Then, there was plenty of liver to eat and little Peter had become big, jolly and oh! so seemed to be d her inoffensive beautifully swollen. crop, crop, crop all da Nothing to do but y long, with indiges- tion the only possible danger at hand. Poor Little Peter Bacillus! how miserable Old Red Corpuscle had made him feel. Now one day when Peter was looking pale and wan and feeling more lonesome than ever, he thought of a plan by which he could drive all the nasty Red Corpu- scles away favorite He sent a message from his feeding by little nglion, the fastest radio opera tor in all Liverville, over lo Miss Nellie Schizomycetes, whose family lived in a little house in a pretty little place called P w, Peter had long loved Nellie but his family had been op- posed to his choice because Nellie’s people were of ry humble origin, In aid that they ne from Duo- tiny village on the Alimentary But love laughs at genealogical trees and Peter sudde determined to wed. Yes, a brilliant idea had come to our hero and like all the brilliant i pre mas thal spell ress for this lovely world of ours, it needed but the gentle touch of a woman's hand to complete its operation. And so, children, as you have no doubt already: guessed, it was nothing less than BASE » proposal that Peter sent to little Nellie Schizomycetes by George Gan- ion. And oh, girl tickled to receive it? In fact, the whole Schizomycetes family was delighted and with- out stopping to. wait even for lunch, ten min- after Nellie Peter's message, she was by his side. utes got They were married the very same day and in less time than it takes to tell, they had nine million, five hundred and sixty- two thousand children who helped Peter and Nellie kill off every one of Old Red Corpuscle’s family, as well as the old man himself, and the I happily ever after. ter Bacilluses lived Percy Waxman. ee A New Jersey pastor was fined for driving. fifty-five Hell- ent fer Heaven. miles an hour. ree It is declared that, as a result of the wholesale dry Broadway, 500 cabaret” entertainers have been obliged to leave New York or seck other employment. Still, this hardly justifies the Volstead act allogether. se raids. along Edith—Mas he any objectionable habits? Lthel—Yes. None. Ultimate solution of the umpire problem if the present dissatisfaction continues. comicbooks.com