Judge — June 28, 1924 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

I Like Them Thin THE women now all dissipate; Liisigrowitite beaisin ‘The way they eat, aad nin te welglit—= Tike my woineu thin! So thus the fairer sex T greet: “My! You must weigh a lot! It's better that you should not eat.” And so I feed them not. They sometimes murmur words of thanks, And feebly try to grin. I'm parking money in the banks— Tike my women thin! The Criminal Millennium HEN the police, co-operating with sientists and moral theologians, at last in eliminating the F . every one thought the millennium had arrived. All the bad people were reformed, all their deeds of wickedness deleted frora the category of possibility. There were no more murders. re were no more robber jere Were no more divorce scandals. ‘The papers became an awful boi there was nothing of interest left in them. In the high noon of the New Day, this is the way the more exciting headlines read: Weatner Croupy To-pay Weautiy MILLionnatre Loses ADENOIDS Saati Cutty Rickers Prince or Waters Stays ox Horse Extra! Orv Man Doers Kixp Deep But strange the wave broke upon the country with dire effect. Having no accounts of wicked- hess with which to regale themselves Exrna! Extra! Beser Wirn Extra! to say, uncriminal during their leisure moments, all the good people soon became bad. In a mad effort to shake off their ennui, they left their happy homes, and raised the most immoral ructions. With no crimes to read about they went out and brewed their own. They rioted and kidnaped. They committed EXTRA SPECIAL CCD New Arriva]—Who are those fortunate beings? St. Peter—Those are the parents who never call their children “Junior.” arson; they indulged in mayhem; they tried their hands at manslaughter. The country got into a terrible state. What was to be done? How should this unprecedented crime wave be stemmed? Presently, the legislators snatched a few of their uneriminal puzzle the problem out. Happily. they solved it. They bill drafting all the old-time criminals back into action moments to passed The hammer-thrower’s escape. Each criminal as public entertainers. was voled a salary and pension for old age and dishonorable service. . Whereupon the good folk, their escape from ennui insured, went back to a life of usefulness, and the country was saved! tote Hell's bells: Alarm clocks comicbooks.com