Judge — June 7, 1924 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ANNUAL REPORT OF THE CHANCELLOR OF RAHRAH UNIVERSITY TO THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES OFFICE OF THE CHANCELLOR. Hon. and Board of Trustees Chairman Members of — the Gentlemen I have the extreme honor and pleasure to ort to you the rademic year sity was one of the most prosperous and successful since the founding » institution by Dr. Ezra Pickelbor The smashing su ment Fund Campaign, total sum of our Endow- netting a grand 3.45, thus insuring the running expenses for next season's gridiron including salaries of trainers, rubbers, ete., and the new two per cent. clause limiting the matricula- tion of Moravians, Slavs, Abyssin Parsees, and Lithuanians, have been among the outstanding features of the student-year. For the first time in 130 years the University is now on its own feet and by September, 1925, we hope to be able to pay our professo professors, team, . associate and assistant instructors, and lecturers, salaries almost commensurate with those received by the coaches of the lacrosse, swimming and basketball teams. Our concentrated publicity drive for the Endowment Fund brought numerous donations from both students and laity, and our alumni, scattered throughout the universe, some in foreign countries where football is not even known, have responded nobly and generously. On April 23 last, which our Publicity Director caused to be known as Alma Mater Day, our alumni all over the world paid a solemn tribute to the memory of Rahrah University by burning pink and orange candles, the University colors, and remaining silent for fifteen minutes, even as they did in the old college days when called upon to give a translation from Virgil. Many of the “old grads,” if I may so term them, sent us liberal donations, in return for which they were mailed pink and orange buttons, signi- fying their loyalty to their Alma Mater. Among the public-spirited citizens who contributed heavily to our Endowment Fund were Meyer B. Sm merchant tailor, with 100; Oscar J. Haggerty, the well-known master plumber, $60,000, and) Randolph B. Smythe-Smith, the banker, with 000. The Smeltzheimer donation will be used to build a new dormitory for the students in the School of Knee-pants Cutting and will be named the Siegfried B. Smeltz- heimer Hall after Mr. Smeltzheimer's paternal grandfather. |The Haggerty donation will help recondition the ex- perimental sinks in the Graduate School of Open Plumbing, and the Smythe- Smith contribution will go toward a scholarship annui written by an unde tzheimer, the for the best essay graduate on “Hoard- BOYISH 608 The bobbed-hair bandit. ing Money at Home: The National Peril.” The 290th annual commencement exercises, held on the college campus, were well attended. Among the 460 graduates from the College of Arts and Pure Science, 459 have already been 2 promised good positions as gymnasium instructors. ‘Three honorary degrees were conferred : Doctor of Philosophy, on Meyer B. Smeltzheimer, Esq.: Doctor of Science, on Oscar J. Haggerty, Esq., and Doctor of Letters, on Randolph B. Smythe- Smith, Esq. Our ethn« pardon—psy- chological examinations for candids for admission to the University will go down the history of education as the best means of keeping the Prom and — interfraternity dances strictly 100 per cent. American. Not only have we limited the enrollment of the Moravians, Slavs, ete., but have also ordered all Chinks, Wops, and Hunks out of the freshmen dormitories. This was done for the benefit of the foreign students themselves because the other students make too much noise with their ukuleles. So to give the foreigners a quiet place to prepare their recitations, we suggested the al—beg away down—in Junior we rel. Next year we hope to limit our enroll- ment still further by barring all appli- cants who are unable to trace their lineage to the Magna Charta, those that speak with an Esthonian or Lettish accent, and those who have to work for a living. In conclusion, I wish to state that we are coming along finely in our intellec- tual and cultural work. A little knowl- edge is a dangerous thing, so we are giving the freshmen none at all, but with the opening of the fall semester we hope to have a large supply of books on hand for the student body. It is felt that constant practice in reading will enable them to follow the reports of our football games in the daily press with better understand- ing and appreciation of the glorious traditions and principles of a great Uni- versity. Respectfully submitted, (Signed) Tertius Lucius Tippesery, Ph.D., Chancellor. comicbooks.com