Judge — May 31, 1924 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Lovelaws Tr righteous revenooer Set out to pinch a brewer. His nerves were all aquiver ‘Till, swigging old Green River, He said, “Now I am tight Enough to fight for right.” He said, “Now IT arm set Po dry up every wet.” ‘That prince of moral fakers, ‘The king of dry law-makers, ‘To frame a dry decree, Went on a jamboree. Who guard the | said he, “are w and make it.” ree to break it!” The law-enforcement speaker, His voice becoming weaker, His tongue becoming drier, Was taken with « \ moment to retire And fill himself with fire. They'll think Tam a swindle: My ardor I must kindle! The end will right the means— sire Hip-hip for booze in jeans!" The moral’s very plain From liquor why Don't hate the law, but love it Not only love encourage, enforce it, speak: for it, write efrain? it, but cozen it, coddle it, about it, spy for it, ery for it, amend it and make it a thousand times drier— Turn You Suaty Be Apove It! Cc. B.E. Unwilling Addict Judge—How been in court? many times have you Rastus— Bout nine times, yo" honor, but Ah never came ‘less Ah was forced to come. Some day, in a hotly contested championship match, a couple of tennis stars will forget themselves and follow their natural impulses. The Road to Safety Jones had found a slip of pe lawn. ron his Tt was an accurate and detailed The location of the stairs was noted, the doors too: plan of his private office. notes showed which swung in and which out, even the windows were set down, Att plicated tables of figures demonstrating toa matter of inches the distance from the door sill to the elevator, alarmed. hottom of the diagram were com- Jones was “Some burglar must be going to raid my off + told his family. “Oh, that isn’t it.” ¢ glancing at the sketch. **Those notes are in Jack's handwriting. He's coming down to your office to ask you to let him marry me.” 1 his daughter, Getting gas. To Have and Toe Hold TRESTLING bouts between er the AL AL ind more a feature fathers and | ‘rules are becoming more of the sports calendar. ‘The most thrilling of the contests take place between a new fath to ha soever, and his first-born; prefe who previ- - has refused dle any baby ferably a very squirmy and slippery type. ‘The match is called by the mother’s thrusting the baby into the arms of the terrified male parent and giving the signal: “Here, you hold it a w It's just our child as mine Unable to break away. the father takes a loose and awkward hold from which his agile opponent instantly twists almost The umpires warn: care! You'll drop him (her free. it)!" This would disqualify father. The half- little expert jiu-jitsu and ane which the umpires. smilingly Comment from the ringside: father next usually manages a son and baby counters with a ondone. ren’t men chums, He's tr poor child's bones!” acious! ng to crush the It is after baby has broken a strangle lock and a scissors that father resorts to the famous toe hold, accompanying. it with the usual banter: ““Tss “ittle pig went to market,” ete. It avails him nothing, however, for baby begins to ery. thus winning the match. The umpires take the infant and tap it on the back in token of victory Wherenpon it relapses into a smug and significant silence. comicbooks.com