Judge — May 24, 1924 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Curtain is Raised The new cars have been an- nounced and their prices and specifications are ready for the public Whether you want a Ford or a Rolls Royce; whether you are interested in balloon tires or the standard sizes; whether you would like brakes on all four wheels or only on the two rear; whether you prefer sedan or roadster—the Motor Depart- ment of JUDGE will give you free unbiased advice as to the selec- tion, operation and maintenance of any car. Fill out the coupon given be- low and mail to the Motor De- partment of JUDGE at 627 W. 43rd Street, New York City The only cost to you is a stamp for reply. Experts will give your questions careful consider- ation COUPON Motor Department JupGe 627 West 43d St., New York City I am considering the purchase of acar to cost about $ .and am especially interested in one (make) ae « (type) My requirements for a car are as follows: Capacity Type of body Driven and cared for by chauffeur Kind of roads over which car would be used ... I have owned other cars of the following The following cars of approxi- mately the type in which I am interested are handled by dealers in my territory: Please advise me as to the car best suited to my requirements. Name ALONG THE SIDELINES Chance for Appreciation The play was proceeding, but, much to the audience's agony, the thing was utterly rotten. At the end of the first act not a sign of applause was audible. The desolate ond act passed amid the same lence. Tt, too, was a failure. As the curtain was slowly lowered, the utter silence of the theater was broken by the imploring ery of a small boy: “Aw, hang out an American fla somebody kin clap.”"—Adam Kuhn, U. of Pennsylvania. Baral Moe—Why do they call the dental office a parlor? Lar—That’s just another name. for drawing-room.—Ray Law, Stanford, *23. A Few Statistics There are two kinds of men: Those who own radios, and those who never talk about their success with distant stations. There kinds of students: Those who get lots of mail, and those who pay their bills. There are two kinds of girls: Those who pet, and those who are unpopular. There are two kinds of professors: Those who give good marks and those who are cussed behind their backs. There are two kinds of college men: two | Students and pupils. If all the salt used annually in salting salted peanuts were put in a pile, there would be quite a lot of it—C. H. Frank enburg, Dartmouth, "26. sae “They on the tid “Yes, but more on the untied."—Joe HL. Brewer, U. of Kansas, °26. ay Ure moon has an influence sae Sally—Say your mone Flo, why do you carry in your stocking? Flo—Cause it draws interest, dearic. —Dartmouth. L. S. MicitakL, Penn State ‘25, “Taking the consequences.” 28 Even So also would do as T, had you yo dreamed As I, when the sun was setting Across the quict sea In a glorious mist, when sleepy ripples Echoed hushed music And the heavens were filled With silent majesty. Yea, Thad longed to crush the slip Of girl beside me To my pulsing heart: To protect hher—shield her from disil- lusion, Cherish her tenderly, To chant her perfe “Dear!” L whispered | ms forever. kenly. “Dear! “Ugh, whatcha want?” she asked, pop: ping her gum. «+ Yes, [ threw her over the cliff. —Pete Owens, Stanford, °26. A Telephone Tragedy “Hello.” “This is Mrs. Jones on Third street Will you send up some nice fish right away?” “Tm sorry, Mrs. Jones, but we haven't any fish.” “Oh! Well, se lean pore chops: “We haven't any pork chops cither, Mrs. Jones.” id me a couple of nice “Oh, how provoking! Then a small sirloin steak will have to do.” “We haven't any steak “For heaven's sake! Isn't Uhis Smith, the butcher?” “No, this is Smith, the florist.” “Oh! carnations. My husband just starved to death.”"—W. D. Morgan, Penn State, Well, send me a dozen white at show made its début last night.” “Debut! Why, To thought it) had heen engaged for a week!" —Jose Schorr, Cornell, 27. te Pot (thapsodically)—My heart goes out whenever I behold the ocean. Seasick Chum—Vm not that far gon yet.—University of Chicago. ere Tt was after a crap game. ‘The winner was proclaiming his skill. “For the past five years,” he said, “T have been buying shoes for the family out of the proceeds of these games.” “Yes,” spoke up a bystander, “and you and your family must have cubic feet.” —Haig Demerjian, Stevens Tech, *2). Pas Rough much gas? Rough Necker—He's so homely no girl will let him park.—Hope Cow, Stanford, 2}. Why does Algie’s car use so comicbooks.com