Judge — March 8, 1924 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Very REMARKABLE Casp Ls. FRIENDS, and I will tell you the story. I will tell it in plain words—the absolute truth. It is a strange tale that I am about to unfold to you, yet ‘ere it is too late it may serve as a warning—you m: yet save your wives from the terrible fate that is slowly, surely engulfing mine. My wife has always been a sweeper. Give her a broom and six rooms and she was always busy. It thrilled her—fascinated her. As soon as she finished sweeping the sixth room she would begin on the first again. She was always sweeping. In her eye burned the feverish light of a house- wife bound to do her duty. Gradu- ally the carpets got thinner and thinner—she was sweeping them away—the boards of the floor com- menced to show through. I argued begged her to stop—but she only looked at me with the look of one who sees an inferior mind not gifted in the knowledge of perfect house- keeping. Sweep! sweep! sweep! day after day! I bought her carpet sweepers, but she disdained them. She liked to see the broom—she liked to see the lint and dust. She gloried in it—she breathed it deeply into her system. It stimulated her to greater endeavor. One day I noticed that she was growing thinner—each day I saw that she was becoming more and more so. Her hair began to assume a coarse yellow look—day after day this was intensified—gradually her features began to fade into a flat blankness—still she swept—swept— swept. Thinner—thinner she grew. I could hardly tell now she had a face. Her hair was becoming erect, each strand large and coarse and yellow— yellow. Suddenly the horrible — truth dawned upon me—my wi p was changing into a broom! She moves more slowly now. Her whole frame is becoming rigid—her hair is absolutely erect—stiff, coarse and yellow. The end is near—it will be but a few days now before the terrible transformation is complete ... before I shall turn my. wife upside down—and put her behind the door ‘ The man who always forgets his umbrella does a parachute DiocenEs Enps His QuEst D085 held up his lantern and peered at the young fellow. yell,” he asked, “what do you yy want?” “Mr. Diogenes, you have been mentioned as a prospective motor car buyer...” No use, son, no use,” groaned Diogenes, “I've heard all of *em.” “Just one moment, _ please, pleaded the dapper young. stranger. “Just let me tell you a few things about the new Olympus Four: This car was designed by a group of third- rate engineers who hope to make a clean up. Only the cheapest. mate- rials are used in constructing the Olympus Four. ‘The motor is of obsolete design and is not guarantec after the first day. Look at the fenders, the top, the finish—abso- lutely the cheapest we could buy. The springs are cast iron and will break before they will give a thou- sandth of an inch.” “How about gasoline mileage?” inquired Diogenes, beginning to show interest. “Terrible! If you get five miles to the gallon you'll be doing good.” “And tires?” “Worse yet. Th alanced it will wear out a set of tires in less than one hundred miles.” “Has it much power?” ear is so poorly one at all, Mr. Diogenes, we tried to make this car climb up the hill to Acropolis, but it wouldn't even make it in low g it over.” Diogenes he r,so we had to push ved “Has it headlight “Oh, yes, but they aren't. ve long sigh. good, “Well.” mused Diogenc to buy one. Sin¢ “T guess alking . I've no further use for this lantern, and I suppose ['ll have to have some kind of light to see my way around at nights.” with you, Tossing his lantern to one side, Diogenes signed his name four times on the dotted line of the deferred pay- ment plan form and drove slowly away in his new Olympus Four. Curr Jounson. Ree She thinks it) very live lobster in hot Miss Catt cruel to keep water. wonder she for } comicbooks.com