Judge, 1924-01-19 · page 9 of 36
Judge — January 19, 1924 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains several brief humorous sketches typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines: **"Cynical Stuff"** mocks bachelor fantasies of married life by suggesting he simulate marriage—waste money, endure boring phonograph records of women's complaints, attend tedious parties, and feign interest in expensive coats. The satire targets both men's reluctance to marry and stereotypes of wives as expensive, nagging burdens. **"Bashful"** is a light poem about an overly shy man (Tim Magee) who won't seize romantic opportunities—he won't even "hug the shore" while sailing. **"Motto for a Poker Chair"** humorously advises poker players to remain calm despite losses, as the venue supposedly has good luck. **"The Retort Courteous"** is a doctor-patient joke where a quack admits giving false medical advice. **The kitten cartoon** depicts a wife pressuring her husband to immediately choose which kitten to keep, illustrating marital impatience. **"Mother Goose"** jokes about an old chair occupant formerly agile ("Jack-be-Nimble") now suffering from lumbago. All emphasize marriage anxieties, aging, and domestic friction—common Judge themes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
re Cynical Stuff I’ you are a comfortable, contented bachelor and wish to imagine for a while that you are niarried, just try this: When you return from the office to your apartment take out your bank roll’ and throw: fifty or sixty dollars in the fire. Select a record for your phonograph with a feminine monologue on it. Play this through several times. Sit up straight in your easy-chair—don’t slouch over! Be careful and not get any cigar ashes on the carpet. Say to yourself “the Brown's are giving another one of their con- foundedly stupid parties to-morrow eve- ning and I'm elected to go.” Think of it until it spoils your present evening. Now put on another phonograph record en- I saw a lovely coat downtown —only nine hundred dollars.” this four times. Don’t yawn, and if you do hold your hand over your mouth. And above all be sensible and don’t act scord does not interest you / : yi | ~ We) 3 sit ti. f We WG AMV MPs MMM | | silly. If the d Lila Vi put on one entitled: “I could have eee ried Jimmy Jones and now I'm sorry I . 4 didn’t.” a i — By this time you will probably have 4 i 4 had enough of playing you are married, j Yi i and be content to become a comfortable, My WY, i contented bachelor again Ei hgy || b —William Sanford. Bashful H: 1s so absolutely shy. My good friend, Tim Magee, That he simply won't embrace An opportunity. We went sailing yesterday, And though I raved and swore, In spite of all that I could do. He wouldn't hug the shore. Wife—I want you to decide which one of these kittens we are —E. D. K. going to keep. “Can't it wait for a day or so?” “What—and keep the poor little dears in suspense?” Moito for a Poker Chair With apologics to the framed motto in mine host's guest chamber) Qiet purtey in this luckey seat, ‘7 Oh, thou, who ere thou be; And let no thought of future loss, Adgitate thy knee. Nor let the bluffers scare you out With piles of colored chips; This place has got their Indian Sign, Its power never slips. Scarcely. —#.L.M. The Retort Courteous Paticnt—You told me that if I used nine bottles of your medicine I would Mother Goose—And who are you, sir? gain fifty pounds. I lost ninety pounds . { Jack-be-Nimble ) and six ounces. Chair Occupant—I used to be 4 Jackcbe-Quiek fr anaeno we Quack—Sorry, my mistake. have lumbago! comicbooks.com