Judge — January 19, 1924 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TOLD AT TH Dedicated to Parker Sloan, Esq., New York: (2nd Hole, in “one,” Oakland Golf Club, Bayville, L. 1. 11-17 Lots of men are lucky and can guess the market right, Or even on a race course make a bit, While other men are winners with the ladies, and the sinners Can usually be found to make a hit. Then there's many a jolly joker, who at auction bridge or poker, Is always most successful (must be nice!) And lots of cheerful blighters who clean up on the pikers, When it comes to shooting craps. or poker dice. Speaking of caddies being of more or less assistance to players. recalls that Jim Barnes, the Pelham Coun- try Club professional, has avery ustie sense of humor which reveals itself at the most unexpected moments. In a very im- portant match he fell so far from grace as to hook a long tee shot into some apparently very bad rough. Everyone was anxious to know what would be_ his fate. His caddy had hur- ried forward and located the hall, sitting serenely on a nice tuft of grass leryite rushed. b part the glad tidings. all right, Jim,” he boomed. “Your caddy says it’s all teed up.” “It ought to be; he's been in there long enough,” laconically replied “Long Jim.” * * * Under the heading, “Just Human,” the Toronto Tele- yram said: “Lloyd George must be an ordinary man, after all. The other day he declined a chance to speak in order to go to the golf links.” The Big One—Did * * * One is often tempted to ask what advantages, if any, the duffer has over the crack golfer, outside of the fact that he gets more exercise. At first blush it would appear that the gentle- man who makes it possible for the course to be kept in ex- cellent condition for the superlative play of the star, has no real advantages, for he pays the same dues and assessments, his recreation costs more and his dexterity falls far short, but on second thought a mental rider rises to the momentous occasion. “Why the duffer invariably is in a much better position to recognize and accept the subtle humor of the game— and what game has more than golf?—for it is on the poor dub’s heartbreaking efforts on and off the links that the laughter of the links is based,” it whispers. And how true it is! Therefore, as one duffer to another, let us press home our advantage and register several birdies and eagles while the crack player, in his false sense of security in the game, contents himself with his pars in the golfing humor round. “The One-ders of the World” “Perfectly all right—an accident, I’m sure.” “Do you mean to insinuate that when I drive a long, straight ball it’s an accident?” E 19th HOLE Yes, lots of men are lucky, as I think I’ve said before, Specially at the ancient game of golf, And they often crack an eighty, when the stakes are really weighty And the other chaps are seriously off. But the best of all, by thunder! is that everlasting wonder Who stands and drives his ball from off the tee, And sees it gaily rolling to the distant flag, and holing, He's the absolutely marvelous, to me. —W.H. Webling. “Sandy” Burns, although half intoxicated, was trying to play his daily game of golf. He had been in trouble on every hole until the short fifth; by some stroke of rare luck he made a one. The caddy rushed back to him, “It’s in the hole, Mister! It’s in the To which plied, “Damn the | give me my_nibli Harold Russell. * * * “Sandy” re- A round a day keeps the doctor away — from his office. a ee There was a young lady of Leeds, Who wore most lugubrious weeds, But she gave the glad eye ‘To a smart passer-by. Now she’s married a golfer in tweeds. + ok * “Greater love hath no man than this, that’—he gives up his golf for his wife. * * * Trickle, trickle, little putt To the hole, so I may strut; Pick you up from in the tin, ‘Then, calmly replace the pin. 4564 6 GE? I drive into you? * * * Irvin Cobb loves to tell of his famous “Cunnels” and Walter Kelly is at his best in impersonating a “Judge.” Here is a yarn of both a “Cunnel” and a “Judge.” The judge was not averse toa small stake but whenever he played with a cer- tain old crony he invariably lost through the miraculous good fortune of his opponent. Finally he grew suspicious of the other’s regular chadies one Junius, a negro. One afternoon he arrived at the club and, meeting his friend, he promptly pro- posed a match for double stakes, which offer was eagerly accepted with this remark, “TH get ‘June’ and I'll be with you right away, judge!” The old judge smiled grimly as he replied, “All sight, Cunnel, all right, sah! But, by the way, speaking about that ‘June’; I reckon he won't be out y’here fo’ the next ninety d I found it necessary this mawning to sentence that niggah to the pen fo’ that period, owing to the fact that he coveted several of Mistah Jethro Payne’s fowls. Are you-all ready, Cunnel?” —J. Lewis Brown. il