Judge — January 5, 1924 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hints to the Ladies on How to Pass the Drivers’ Examination Ww you are notified to be at a cer- tain corner at a certain time, the first thing to do is to find a licensed driver to go with you. If you are unable to bribe anyone into this hazardous under- taking call up the Professional Pall Bearer’s Union and they will send you a man most of them have taken this up as a sideline. When you arrive at the designated spot you will find there are at least one hun- dred cars in line ahead of you, but don’t worry, because as soon as the parade starts most of them will probably get lost. The examiner starts at the first car and gradually works k while the line is moving around the block. When he finally climbs, with a black scowl, into your car, do not be frightened but assume an attitude of nonchalance and éclat. He will first tell you to drive up the street a little way and draw up close to the curb. After you have done this he will leer at you horribly and point to the hydrant, brushing your mudguard. At this, jump out quickly with an in- fectious laugh, unscrew the hydrant, attach a hose to it and fill your radiator, saying, in a cheery manner, “Pardon mea moment, Mr. Examiner, I just happened to remember that there was no water in the radiator!” He will now ask you gruffly to turn around in the narrow street. In doing this you will most likely leap over the curb ‘and up somebody's veranda steps, so before he can say anything jump out Tourist—Let’s see—the road book says, “Bear left.” briskly and ery, “Oh! pardon me just a moment, a friend of mine lives here and there is something important I must tell her!” When you return to the car he will, in all probability, be a little bit suspicious. So, when in backing around you back up over the opposite curb and knoe! pedestrian down, laugh heartily and say, “T saw my husband in the reflector and thought I would surprise him.” By this time, he will be convinced of your dexterity and you will have no trouble in obtaining a’ license. —Ann Thoney “How beautiful is the country this morning!” “Yeh, all the signboards have been repainted.” And a Butterfly Valve! “Isn't it appropriate “Isn't what appropriate?” “To have worm drive on a caterpillar tank!” It Probably Backfires Too! “Flivvers dismantled his car and re- built it.” “How'd he come out!” “Fine. He changed ends with the rear axle and got one speed ahead and two in reverse.” Habit HE Was most charming And fair and petite— Eyes like the heavens And lips that were sweet, Cheeks that would rival The blush of the rose, But she would powder And powder her nose. Working or playing, It was the same, She was a fiend For the powder-puff game; There came a fire, And the world knows She hesitated To powder her nose. She went to heaven; The crowd was quite great; She waited her turn And set her hat straight; When Peter called her, She watched the gates close, While she just powdered And powdered her nose. —Edgar Daniel Kramer comicbooks.com