Judge — December 22, 1923 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CI BBOAR8S JUDGE “Come on over, WITH WHICH IS COMBINED LESLIE'S WEEKLY Jimmy, and if you’re a stickler for form you might bring the mistletoe with you.” “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” The Case for Doing It Early (Cems shopping should be done nobody knows any drawbacks early to doi y because, to know drawbacks, some wom throw herself on the do it early, and we don’t want any- thing like that to happen. But there is one reason for doing it early whi in itself, should be powerful enough to start the custom rolling: if you shop early enough, you will have time to. recuperate before Christmas. And it is essen- tial to the success of the occasion that you be downstairs Christmas morning; you must be there to ex- plain to the household what the pre- sents are supposed to be; you must be there to see that the presents aged in the best way on the tables and pianos and things to show anybody who should happen to call (not that anybody will, or that you expect anybody to) that you have had just as big a Christ- mas as they have; and you must be there so that, in case this year's presents don’t put up a good eno: show, you can select personal what silver platters and candle- sticks in the dining-room may be polished up and put in the ground of the tableau without ruin- ing everything —because if you are not there to do it yourself, somebody is sure to pick out a piece that will be recognized by the people who call (not that any people will call, or that you expect any people to call) as something they passed on to you last year. So shop early and recover in time. » would have to acrificial altar and Landlady—Just fancy. A poor, inno- cent little lamb had to die to give us these chops. Boarder (at work) —Tough, tough. sae the A movie star has an unusually large income for what he does, but consider how many wives he has to support. “Gee, Nellie! How'd ye like to have her stockin’ to hang up on Chris'mus?” The Heritage by Joseph P. Hanrahan F Cooks discern the art of it, An apple pic, or part of it, Can glorify a prospect That were otherwise maroon: * Some apple cider that I know Will make you step a tickle-toe That Terpsichore might boast of From Polaris to the Moon. However apple-jollified, One's praise must still be qualified, Since Father Adam, truly, Was incautiously misled: With Eden ever lost to him, The apple seemed a frost to him, But, petting Eve, and laughing, “Oh, things mightbe worse, "hesaid. The joke is on the rest of us, The shrewdest and the best of us, Like Adam, need reminding That it to keep in check: Fate, overlooking none of us, Forever making fun of us, Gives each an Adam's apple Where he got it—in the neck. *Further particulars on request. the maid has given Why? Mrs.—She on the phone yesterday. tid you spoke to her Mr.—Great Scott! was talking to you! Ry I thought I Visitor—Did Santa Claus come to your house last night? Little Boy—Yep, and he went and left one of his suits of clothes in Dad's bedroom. comicbooks.com