Judge — December 1, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO TELL fiers at regular rates lished humorous stories only are wanted. Ad drees “Stories to Tell E Judge, 627 West §3d Street, New York City. Original, unpub, Second Prize “Ty nis car,” said Gotrocks to the man who had appeared in answer to his udvertisement for a chauffeur, “is a very sensitive, delicately adjusted mechanism. Do you think you could handle it? “Well,” replied the applicant, “me wife is a vaudeville actress and we've lived together for ten years.” tate he TOWN was filled with tourists, and the hotels were compelled to turn many of the arriving guests away. One fussy travel looking for ac- commodations in boarding-house row, was told by the darky who answered the door- bell that there was just one room vacant in the house. “Oh, dear me!” the fussy traveler complained, “I suppose I shall have to room. But—is there running at room?” ! the darky heartily replied, “we done fixed dat roof last week.” Rees D' RING ther it registration for election in a barber shop, an Irish. man entered and the foreman of the registry board addressed him: “What is your nam He looked bewildered and answered, ‘James FI It was plain that Flynn was annoyed, but he answered: “Ireland.” “How long are you in this country?” Flynn, getting more indignant, an- swered, “Eighteen months.” “Well, as you are only one year and a half in the United States you cannot vote.” “IT don’t want to vote—I want a shave,” was the reply. tot A NORTHERN tourist driving along one LY of the highways in western North Carolina came upon a number of natives playing baseball. Directing his driver to stop he called to an old codger who was looking on with enthusiasm: say, Dad, what's the score?’ The old man snatched his eyes away from the game only long enough to announce proudly: “Ary one and nary one, in favor of we uns. sot “7 po nope,” said Uncle Cal, “that Josh Spriggins runs fer Congress.” “You think,” asked his boarder, “that good man for the job?” replied Uncle Cal, “but if he runs, ll hev the distinction of bein’ neighbors to a feller what’s got beat fer Congress an even ten times.” First Prize A srinirvatisr, who also rator, Visited a town where as tist lived. lecturer's desire being to ¢ belief. The audience was li with hope that. his effort had last night, and T lay it to your talk.” The spiritualist was highly flattered. “I my argument would make you think,” he said it not so?” “Tam not so certain about that. sleep during the day I cannot sleep at night.” was something of an ind delivered a lecture one afternoon, the nvert the scientist to his ge, including the scien- tist, who had attended by special invitation. The next day the spiritualist called on the scientist been “What did you think of my lecture?” he asked “Well.” replied the scientist, “I coulk ptical scien- In’t sleep all knew Whenever I Aw™s moved into a Western town recently from a distant city. He set up his furniture during the day, and when darkness came found that the electric lights refused to function. So he set out to find an electrician. He found a man sitting on the curbi He didn’t observe, however, that the fellow had been sampling some pre-Volstead stuff. “My friend,” said he, “can you tell me wl a good electrician?” “Tom Edishon!” came the somewhat thick reply. WesTerNer, growing tired of stitutes, took a trip to Chic obtain some good old A.V. stuff. price was. considerably than he expected, hence he was forced to draw on his account for to home. more carfare return The Chicago banker wired the visitor's home bank in Montana: “Mr. J. E. Smith here. Drunk. Wishes to check.” cash 'o which he received a quic “Identification complete. k reply: Honor the If thine enemy smite thee on the left cheek turn him your right one. And if he takes advantage of your proposition—well, 1 then it’s time to use your own judg- ment. comicbooks.com