Judge — November 3, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO TELL JUDGE pays 810 weekly for the best story sub for this page, and 85 for the sreond bat. hers at regular rates.” Original, unpub us tories only t to Tell Editor,” Ju Street, New York ( 7 pee EAR-OLD Freddie was spending the day with his aunt. Dinner was late, and the child began to grow restless. “Auntie,” he said, finally, “does God know every hing?” es, dear.” ery little thing?” s, dear, every little thing.” , then,” he said in a tone of convic- “God knows I am hungry.” “We tion, tte TT cownor pardners, Red and Slim. promised their girls that they would quit drinking for six months. About two weeks later they went to town. They knocked around for a while and then separated for an hour or so, after which they got on their horses and started back for the ranch. Red was inclined to talk, but Slim was very silent. After they had ridden for a while, Red turned to Slim and said: “What yuh so silent like, about. It ain't natural.” “Ah,” promised drinkin’ guess replied Slim, “I Bess I'd’ quit for six months. I I'm the dangd biggest liar in this country Jidn't I promise Rose I'd quit too, the same time Vell, yuh ain't the big- then. pounds Don't I more’n liar five Pala T was at an English mili- tary hospital where it was customary for the convalesc- ing patients to wear pajamas while strolling around the grounds. On = one occasion an Irishman, formerly of the “Princess Pats,” happened to meet an old buddy of his noticed that his suit wrinkled. “Be jabe Pat, “Algie, old bean, you look as if you slept in that suit!” ery A BREEDER of dairy cattle 4% in one of the Southern States is quite as well known for his stinginess and for his attitude toward all his help as for the quality of the cattle he breeds, and his cattle are known far and wide. A negro milker came to “Bright? First Prize the well-known telling stories LBERT Kener, hotel man, aban tip dodgers. “A mean man,” he said, “ate a good meal at a restaurant, and then, when he was through, half a dollar on the fle “Waiter,” he said, as he paid his bill, “I just dropped two half dollars. Find them for me, will you?” The obliging waiter disappeared under short time » fac I've found one of them, sir,” he said. “Thanks,” said the man, as he pocketed the coin and rose. “When you find the other keep it for yourself tip, you know.” was dropped a him once, looking for a job, He looked the negro over critically, for he always in need of help, and said: don’t look to me like a steady job.” “Yas, sir, said the wa ants er steady job. * io to work, but I don’t like looks.” He went and found that he not only had to milk twenty cows Put car the milk, wash the utensils, , clean the stables and drive the cows to and “You a man who wants your “Ts your little boy bright?” Vy, he’s so bright he’s light-headed!” ul This took about - He was game, two months and from the pasture. cighteen hours however, and then gave notice. “T knew it. I knew it,” “you just don’t want a steady job.” “but you is been laying me off six hours every night.” a stayed said the boss, wae CATTLEMEN from near City, Kan., each shippe cattle to the Kansas City marke same freight. Arriving safely and— un- loading at’ the’ stockyard, they bet on the weight of the cattle, the loser being elected to set up a $5 apiece breakfast. They registered at the Blossom House; this episode occurring in the days when that hostelry was in its prime. The next’ morning, the breakfast hour arriving, the trio duly assembled. The loser of the bet si; for each man to. give ord ‘The menu bein, sulted, after some deliberation each winn id: “You do the ordering > menu consultation. More discus- sion brought them no nearer a final decision than at first. In desperation the host turned to the waitress ing, “Miss, pk bring — these gentlemen $5 worth of ham and eggs apiece.” puree Dodge car of by the att L™ he be considered dog- © or unduly stern, the parson had a way of quali- fying his pulpit utter: “My brethren,” he reaching the climax of morning discourse, do not repent, so to speak,and bel the Word, as it were, you'll be lost, in a measure.” comicbooks.com