Judge — October 20, 1923 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

topies, full of charm. Judge, let us make BASKERVILLE_—__ the riffle of high thoughts, nobly thunk, for Lam tired of piffle, of tommyrot and bunl I cannot find a neighbor who'll speak of useful things, of capital and labor, or of discarded kings.” “By all means,” said the jurist, “let's talk as you desire; to-day I met a tourist who filled my breast with ire. He said his Studebaker better) than my Knight; when I meet such a faker I surely want to fight. My good old bus I've guided for thirteen years or more; what comfort it’s provided, amusement, what astore! She surely is a stepper, the best old boat in town; and when a moral leper attempts to run her down, I do not joke or josh him, or argue as to wains: simply rise the remains. was id squash him, and bury ree Breaking All Speed and Dis- tance Records by Arthur Dunn I HAD been reading some of that Life Retention stuff and began to feel that I had a symptom of about everything that appeared in the drug store almanac, so I slammed the roll-top and pulled my freight over to Doe's. Over to Doe's is right. He lives ned home and knows everything from al nation to zymosis inside out and back- wards. None of those fresh-out-of-col- lege “specialists” for me. You slip one of them a hundred bucks and in three minutes you are out on the street minus some little part of your works. Doc looked me over, tapped me fore and aft, took a squint down the feed shoot and gave me the Klan grip on the wrist. “U-um,” says he, * Heard from Irvin Cobb late Now, Doe is about as circumspect as they make them in the matter of divulg- ny shocking truth, so IT knew imme- > that he was adopting the most roundabout method to make it easier for I told him that while [had not the pleasure of knowing Cobb, I had a fair acquaintance with some of his jokes. “Well, this is the way it stands,” says Dc “You must either walk a great 1 more than you have been accus- tomed to, or—get the address of Cobb's tailor.” Horrible! I. slipped him two greenbacks and beat it. But I walked. Walked three miles each and, as the walking became al exertion and more of mental stimulant, I began to figure out exactly what I was doing. [am not a promoter, “bu builder” nor efficiency expert, therefore, my methods are open for public inspection, governmental “investigation”: or even to the telescopic eyes of district ad way. not intend to hang up any cham- pionship record as a walker. I walked because I had paid for that prescription and because every new hole in my belt meant a nearer approach toward that horrible example. So, I took it easily PAR = 1945 TAVERNE OLYMPIA HE RAT OE A PRARCE TRE APRICA (OR Lewox AVENUE) AMERICAN BROTHER AND StETER TOURISTS, AS AT Looms Honi soit qui and consumed an hour in doing each three miles. gave my analytical mind plenty of time to browse struse subjects, and to arrive tounding conclusion that I we at the rate of 85,903 miles an hour. Yow, there is a record for somebody to beat. And here is the way to do it: Start a little earlier and walk a little faster than J did. But, to get down to brass tacks. The circumference of the earth is about 24,000 miles and it revolves every day: there- fore, in two hours of walking I traveled six pedestrian miles and 2,000 Einstein miles. Then, too, the earth takes a little trip around the sun once ay Old earth happens to be about 100,000 miles from the sun, but it plods along on that radius, rain or shine, and T stuck with it, because TI did not want an equator like ‘obb’s. Now. it is easy enough to sec that if 92,000,000 is a radius, 184,000,000 must be the diameter of that junket, and by jacking up the diameter with old 3.1416 we get a round-trip of 578,000,000 miles. nong the going 13 mal y danse. Just about then T began to use my euff and a pencil and found that th log showed a daily 1,584,000) miles. or about while T was doing my six. Bat, I did like to go fast. did not stop at that. arth’s progress of about 100 miles: I always The sun is on its way, out there some- where in a year, 454,000 miles a miles in that two hours. at the rate of 166,000,000) miles day, or 37,800 T checked out and in every day and there ¢ the figures to prov that Tam the champion walker with 171,806 miles to my credit every day until I to “pink of condition.” Rall Post $1.000, Parker “Oh, no! He's He never feels a draft.” ttt Ted- My uncle gave me a Pretty generous, eh, u Christian Did Speedwell know got down draft) for what? Scientist. where he was going when he started out on his joyride? Ned—Apparently not. in the hospital. He wound up comicbooks.com