Judge, 1923-10-13 · page 9 of 36
Judge — October 13, 1923 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Viewing the New Home" - Judge Magazine Satire This humorous short story satirizes social pretension and the awkwardness of home tours. The narrator's wife criticizes his conversational incompetence during house visits, so he memorizes synonyms to impress their hosts, the Gadbys. The joke: his escalating praise becomes absurdly excessive—calling a sunken bathtub "Magnificent!" and a dangerously slippery staircase the same. The satire targets both nouveau riche homeowners who flaunt possessions (antique beds, "old Flemish" items) and the social anxiety of guests expected to perform enthusiasm they don't feel. The lower cartoon mocks a Ford owner unable to start his car, contrasting with "the Brown family roll their own"—a joke about home-brewed alcohol during Prohibition (illegal alcohol production). The sidebar quips reference 1920s concerns: inflation, Prohibition, and consumer goods quality—typical Judge magazine commentary on contemporary life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Viewing the New Home by Cyril B. Egan “T NEVER saw such a man as you,” said my wife; “when people show you over their house, you are about as in- telligent in your comment a two-word parrot. All you say i and ‘Uhuh! ‘Uhuh! d ‘Fine!’ Now I hope to goodness when the Gadbys show us their place to-day, you won't be so terribly stupid!” Determined to please the little woman, I hought a thesaurus of synonyms, and during the railroad journey to the Gads- by’s new home I studied all the laudatory adjectives that were in the book. I dug out the appropriate word in praise of a bathtub, the happy modifier for a kitchen sink, the pat mot for a Persian prayer rug: by the time we reached our destination there was not an article of household furniture for which I did not have some pleasant. comment. Too, I had my vocabulary arranged in order of rising climax, so that the peak of praise would be reached with the last part of the house- hold displayed. “This is our sun-parlor,” said the Gadsbys, starting to show us over the place as soon as we had arrived. Nice,” said I. “And this is the dining-room. The furniture is old Louis X1V—real antique!” “Quaint,” said I. Ford Owner—I can't get this darn thing started! The Brown family roll their own “And this is the library. tries are old Flemish!” “Lovely!” said I. “And this is the entrance to the cellar. That is where father is going to have his still!” “Pretty!” said T. “And this is the kitchen. The tapes- The sink is modeled after an old Dutch master- piece! “Darling!” said I. What should I do? “Read the printed directions on the outside of the can!” “And here is our bedroom. The bed is 500 years old, made entirely by hand— by an old Flemish antique maker! “Splendid!” said TL. “And here is the bathroom. This is a sunken! tub with openwork plumbing. Don’t you think it’s too pretty for any- thing?” “Admirable!” said I. “And now we'll go downstairs. Be careful; this stairease is awfully slippy. Our maid polishes it so highly that I think some- time the whole family will tumble down and break their necks!” “Magnificent!” 1 cried. Strange to say, despite my pleasant adjectives, we were never invited to the Gadbys again. Now when I view the various appointments of a new house, I don’t even say * el T just: grunt “Uhu The grunt. is not so intelligent, but my wife thinks it much safer. toe Manager—Do you sup- pose these suits are all wool? Clerk—I doubt if they contain enongh to pull over the eyes of our customers! Ree The dollar may not go as far as it did in 1913 but it goes a lot faster. tots People who complain about the heat, also com- plain about the cold. comicbooks.com