Judge — October 13, 1923 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Qe am, io MUU O0 ODA 5, I Edwin Levick, uu f Shackamaxon Country Club, Westfield, N. J. TOLD AT THE 19th HOLE Ballades of a Dub My Old Pet Driver’s Split in Two by A. N.C. Fowler nERe’s ebon erépe around my lid And I am draped in sable black, I'm mournful as a katydid And I have given Joy the sack Because the latest gas attack That Fate has lipped across my view Has been her darndest, meanest whack— My old pet driver's split in two. The cruel thing that Fortune did When thus she stabbed me in the back Has got me stewing on the grid And slowly writhing on the rack; Doom surely pushed me off the track And kicked my body black and blue When Kismet pulled this latest crack— My old pet driver's split in two. One, clubs is now my highest bid And e’en that club I sorely lack, Henceforth no longer may I kid Myself upon my driving knack; My pep is gone, my The Paragon by J. R. Malloch *s7IMs naucut I know of hazards, Of birdies or such stuff, I'm ignorant of stymies, I don't get in the rough. I never overdrive the green, I never lose my ball, Because, forsooth, I cannot hit The goshdanged thing at all. sae A Fine Lie by Paul Bailey 18 FACE was dark; his language gruff. He'd chopped a trench right through the rough And still his ball was in the stuff— A perfect nine. “T'm lying five,” he fiercely howled, Then turned defiantly and scowled As some one in the gall’ry growled, “You're lying fine.” GOLF AS A CURE FOR NERVOUSNESS Scooty Blear by C.W. Myers A FAIR gawfer may be a woman; or a mon wha plays a roun’ in aboot 85 * * * A Ku Klux gawf shot is whaur th’ ba y oot in th’ open fairway sac ‘an see what it is doin’. + * # does nae st that ye As lang as she has th’ last putt mony a woman does nae care if she loses her match. * 8 « There wad be mony three-handicap gawfers in this countra if they cad skip ane or twa goat-gettin’ holes on thir courses. » 8 * A kajib is a player wha carries his ain clubs. Thus there is always ane mair caddie for th’ regular gawfe celal Ilka gawf club has a snoolhib—th’ member wha is always complainin’ aboot something. * * A gawfer wha haed th’ habit o° standin’ on th’ greens tae mark doun his score once stopped on th’ boulev: - for th’ same purpose. Th’ coroner’s jury ex- onerated th’ driver. * x * A woman asked hoo th’ match in th’ finals o’ th’ club championship stood as th’ players reached th’ fifteenth tee. “Madam, yer frien’ is dormie three,” a member volunteered th’ information. “Weel, is that sae? I didna ken they were playin’ dormies to-day,” she replied. sso The Revolution by J. E. Middleton I UsED to scoff At golf. My sport Was on the court In snowy raiment, smart, but thin, With “Thirty Love” and “Vantage In” And more obscure expressions of the sort. force is slack Andwith thegame of golf I'm through, I feed my dolor ipecac— My old pet driver's split in two. LDEnvoi Poor, fractured staff of life, alack! My heart was wholly stuck on you; Now I’ve but jokers in my pack— My old pet driver's split in two. To-day I walk (And talk) Around On hilly ground. The putter, niblick brassy, cleek, Adorn my bag, while in the creek My errant ball too frequently is found. And this is why I try The game; —Sylvia her name, Adorable from head ad Higgs—Big Jake, the bootlegger, got arrested yesterday. Biggs—What for? Wall Street with Treatment this Week, $1,000. He meets Browne, the broker, plays eighteen holes him— hole receives a tip on way. a “sure thing’— 4 Total Expense to date, $5,732. and at the nineteenth which goes the other to feet! While she who used to be my sweet Has found a tennis champion for a flame. Mental chaos. Loss, $1,000, comicbooks.com