Judge — October 13, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story sub- mitted for this paye, and $5 for the second best. All others at regular rates. ~ Original, unpub- lished humorous stories only are wanted. Ad dress “Stories to Tell Editor,” Judge, 627 West 43d Street, New York City. First Prize Tickton and Eastern, plying be- tween Tickton and another equally -onsequential city, is what is known as ne horse railroad.” One hot summer vening the press agent of a street show waited at the Tickton station for the evening train to bring his manager. The train being already half an hour late, the press agent walked up to the ticket window to make inquiry “What's the matter with that train?” he asked. “Hm,” replied the station-master, look- ing at his watch, “reckon the engineer’s wife's havin’ company fer supper again.” “What's that got to do with it? “Well, at them times, Charlie don’t take any chances of gettin’ home before the dishes is washed.” POF Second Prize y DEAR,” said the old man tenderly, 4 4 lay is our diamond wedding, and T have a little surprise for you!” “Yes?” said his silver-haired wife. He took her hand in his. “You see th iS engagement ring I gave “Well, I ini the final installm and IT am proud to now altogether your. tae Mt: anD Mrs. JenkinTon had at last obtained a small apartment, and Mr. Jenkinton was hanging the pictures. There was a certain bit which he decided must go up, but which was too small to suspend from the rail. He thereupon got a substantial nail and hammered it into fhe wall. There came a knock at the doc that it ‘It’s our neighbor,” said the wife. “Your hammering has disturbed him.” When the door was opened Mr. Jenkin- ton immediately began to apolog “Oh, that’s all right,” said the neighbor, cheerily. “I only came to ask if I might hang a picture on the other end of the nail.” N*“ it can be told. The rookies were undergoing tests for mentality. It was the famous test that established the fact that the average American dough- boy should never be confused with a college professor. The colonel of the regiment was very enthusiastic over the idea that everyone should take this test. So enthusiastic, in fact, that he insisted that he himself should take the test, as well as all the other officers. This atti- tude of mind continued until the colonel had reached about half way through the mentality test and then he decided that it was not wise for him to continue it. ttt Bove Doane of Albany was at one time rector of an Episcopal church in Hartford, and Mark Twain, who occasionally attended his serv’ a joke upon him, one Sunday. “Dr. Doane,” he said at the end of the service, “I enjoyed your sermon this morning. I welcomed it like an old friend. [have a book at home containing every word of it.” ou have not,’ “T have so.” “Well, send like to see it.” “TI send it,” the humorist replied. ct morning he sent an unabridged dictionary to the rector. Pers Taree is a young man in the official set in Washington who is wise beyond his years, as was evidenced when he paused before answering a widow who had asked him to guess her age. “You must have some idea about it,” id, with what was intended for an vise glance. “I have several ideas,” said the wise young man, with a smile. “The only trouble is that I hesitate whether to make you ten years younger on account of your looks or ten years older on account of your brains.” Then, while the widow smiled and hed, he took a graceful but speedy * said Dr. Doane. that book to me. I'd Bruntes was an honest man with con- siderable military ability. His bullets were pretty sure to give a good account of themselves. He had the reputation among his fellows of being a marksman times an easy marksman, but respected for his proficiency rifle. “Tell me,” said Mr. Goode, his friend one day, “how did you do on the rang Berrien evaded the question. “TI bet you hit the target,” Goode. “Yes, yes, I did,” seeming suddenly get away some- always with the said Mr. said Mr. Berrien, in a great hurry to ” said Mr. Goode, “I knew it.” replied Mr. Berrien, “I hit it, but, if you must know, it was the other fellow’s target.” Per oO” Zeru Doran sat on a log near the bridge one Sunday morning, casting anxious glances at an uncertain sky. His willow fish-pole and bait lay at his feet. Before he had quite decided on the weather the minister came | taken a short cut owing to the sudden shower. “Well, Brother Zeph,” yo’ gwine to fishin’? “Ah dunno yit i oh, can of having par of a he asked, “Is “Al’m jest Mr. Gayly—My wife is learning to play the piano, my daughter is study- ing vocal music, and my son is struggling with the violin. Mrs. Golitely—And what are you learning? “To be an out-of-door man.” 1L comicbooks.com