Judge — October 6, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oe scare STORIES TO TELL JUDGE pays 810 weekly for the b y sub for the second best. Original, unpub umorous stories only are wanted. A Editor,” Judge, 627 West , New York City ‘mutted for this page, and Ul others at regular rates. Second Prize I was at the end of the trial, resulting in conviction of an oil promoter, who was caught in the net of the postal authorities’ investigation of oil frauds recently in Fort Worth, Tex. The judge asked the defendant iything to say or to request. our Honor,” said) the promoter, “would it be possible to choose or select + of confinement ut difference would it make?” “you a urs anyway. “Lshould rather be sent to the Atlanta if he said ng to be away for prison than the one at venworth,” responded the promoter, “because the warden at) Leavenworth bought 2,000 shares of my stock.” Cory Sister Brown had been testifying at SD the weekly prayer mectings, of the waywardness of her daughter who would rather go to dances than to church. This had beep going on for weeks in spite of the feeble protests of her husband. Finally at one of these prayer meetings she arose with new testimony. cluded thus: “And now that my daughter is going to be married, this burden has been lifted from my shoulders and placed on that of aman. Lam so happy that if L had one more feather in my wings I would fly to heaven.” But in the general chorus of *Amens,” no one heard the mutterings of her hus- band, who grunted, “O Lord, stick it in and let her fly!” She con- erry H™™ SyickLeny, a New England horse dealer, sold a horse to an expressman who, however, returned in a day or two with the statement that he was not exactly satisfied with his de He was asked the reason for his dissatis- faction. There's only one thing I don’t like about this mare,” he said. “She won't hold up her head. “Oh, that’s only her silly pride,” ex- plained Hiram. “She will when fully paid for. she’s reed I ittLE Tommy had a sore toe, so his 4 mother thought this a good oppor- tuni to make him eat his ¢ “Tommy,” she said, “If you eat y oatmeal, it will cure ir toe.” Shortly afterward Tommy came to his mother with a very disgusted air. “Tate my al,” he said, “but my toe isn’t any better. T guess the darn stuff went down the wrong leg.” A‘ ITY COUPLE on a drive through the country in’ the themselves to apples in large quantities Their consciences bothering them son what, however, they stopped in front on the front porch the tell you.” “Oh, that’s all right,” said woman. “Just thought said the farmer were in the orchard.” —_ late autumn pulled up beside a small orchard and helped the farmhouse which adjoined the or- chard and called to the farmer who was “We helped ourselves to your apples,” we'd “TL helped myself to your tools when you l Txece Josuva was a laconic and hard- J headed old countryman, who never Jet the criticisms of his too frank neigh bors upset his equanimity. Atone of the sessions of the “Village Club,” which met every day in the post. office for the dis tribution of the five o'clock mail, some of the men undertook to twit Unele Joshua about a tale then going the rounds of one of his recent horse trades. wre tellin’ all kinds of Hes about you, Josh,” jibed one young blade. "Wot You goin’ to de about it?” “Do?” replicd Unele Joshua, coolly he spat with unerrir f thro the open door, “Nothin. [don't keer how many lies they It's youl me, “Tell me, John, does bleaching the hair lead to softening of the brain?” “No, darling, it’s generally the soft- ening of the brain that leads to bleach- ing the hair.” i of his, NEGRO met at son the street one A acquaintance and was surprised to see that his friend had on t also colore day new suit, new t. new shoes and other evidences of prosperity “Hey, boy.” he said. “how dressed up this way? Is vor “Dse got somethin’ bettern” replied the other, “What is it?” © a orator.” “What's a orator?” “Don't you know come you La job?” replied the resplen- ib one in surprise. Well, PIL tell you If you was to walk up rand ask him how much was two and two, he'd say ‘four, but if you was to ask one of us orators how much was two and two he'd say ‘When in de cou'se of human events it what a orator is. to a ordinary 1 hecomes necessary to take de numeral of de second denomination and add it to de f r two, L si Without fear of successful contradiction, s unto you and T says it dat) de result: will: invaibly be four. Dat’s a orator.” tote Since prohibition went into effect OD churches have had difficulty: in ob. daining wine for sacramental use. A little negro church in the South was no exception, ‘The pastor called on some of the sisters to make wine which could he used. One old negro woman volunteered, but all she had to use was persimmons So she made persimmon wine, Every thing went all right at the church the day of the services and all the brothers and sisters partook of the wine. The only trouble was that when it came te the doxology everybody had to whisth tt hal Suxpay Scnoor teacher had been telling a story of spring, and the ster lily “who can kes the lily miracle of the growth of the “Now, children,” tell what it is that m spring from this little bulb?” “God does it.” little boy. Frantically our Bobby raised his hand, and shouted at the top of his lungs, “Fertilizer helps!” said me comicbooks.com