Judge — September 29, 1923 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WI hy HN Head Cow (at the Coolidge farm)—Now remember, girls, if Calvin comes back to milk us we must each give the Presidential salute of twenty- one quarts. My Diet by William Sanford I . MY WANDERI over the country I frequently meet ladies and gentlemen who, on account of their sensitive stomachs, have been obliged to go on a diet. Wives have told me in low, sad tones of their husbands who have been obliged to go on a diet. Husbands with First Bay Stater (a bit gone)—It’s a little coolish, isn’t it? Second Bay Stater (quite gone)— P’rapsh. But 't looksh more like a Cabot! sae sad, drawn faces and strained, troubled eyes have related tragic to me that their wives can eat only “certain things.” After listening to the recitals of the menus that these ladies and gentlemen are forced to partake of, owing to their sensitive stomachs, I have decided that I must go on a diet myself. For breakfast I must have half of a large, dead ripe cantelope, with rich, I must have thick slices of y best home-made bread, carefully perfect brownness and spread with the finest of golden butter. My eggs must be absolutely fresh from the nest and from thoroughbred hens and y must be carefully and correctly sd as I wish them. I must have the very best of coffee, half cream—rich, fresh cream. My cereal must be of the highest grade, perfectly cooked and served with cream. For lunch must havea tenderloin steak, smothered in’ mush- rooms and fresh young onions, creamed mash potatoes, creamed — lima I beans, a pint of J absolutely fresh milk from ( thoroughbred cows, and a large portion of nicely cooked tapioca pud- ding, with —<4 cream. For din- nerI must Musically inclined. have a fresh roasted, and stuffed, spring chicken. If the chicken is not over large I must eat the whole of it. I must have carefully prepared fresh vegetables, more of the rich milk above mentioned and a large portion of absolutely pure and very creamy ice cream. After each meal I must have a twenty-five cent cigar, and the very latest newspapers and n zines. I must have absolute rest in a large y-chair and must not be disturbed for an hour. I never realized how I was punishing my poor stomach with the crude, ordinary food that I have been putting into. it. But since listening to the people I meet who are dieting and their menus I see that I must discontinue treating my sensitive stomach as I have bee Tam going to take up my diet at on e ceed Wisdom from the Mouths of Boys by E. J. K. w, wy must I go to bed if every- LY body else stays up?” . ma, would you wear a patched Where's the good of castor oil—it makes me sick.” “What do L know about takin’ care of babies?” Me—beg his pard’n when I wanta sock ‘im!” “Gee, why must I take a bath, it doesn’t last.” “Gee, if I got to run errands all the time, why don’t you get me a bieyele?” He ain't no painless dentist! He's a ‘ lia tt “Are you a literary man?” “T often ask myself th said the other. “I write for a trade journal.” question.” comicbooks.com \oa_ ea”