Judge, 1923-09-29 · page 13 of 36
Judge — September 29, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Judge Magazine Page This is a "Stories to Tell" humor page from Judge magazine, featuring four brief satirical anecdotes: **First Prize Story**: A schoolteacher closes school for the World Series games, claiming it benefits children's education. The joke: she cynically admits students only improve at "arithmetic after figuring up the batting averages"—implying she uses sports to teach math while enjoying the games herself. **Second Prize Story**: A boss fires a boy loafing in the stockroom, only to learn the employee was merely a visiting printer's delivery person, not actually his worker. The satire targets inefficient management and hasty judgment. **The Conductor Story**: An elderly train conductor forgets to wake a sleeping passenger at Plymouth, then awkwardly backs the train up miles to correct his mistake. **The Railroad Complaint**: A lengthy comedic list of onomatopoeia describing a switch engine's noise—satirizing tedious complaint letters and mechanical annoyance. **Bottom Cartoon**: Shows a man with a parrot labeled a "Plymouth Notch Enigma" for refusing to speak—a reference to Calvin Coolidge's famous taciturnity. The page exemplifies Judge's early-20th-century humor style: workplace absurdity, social observation, and gentle mockery of American life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
j STORIES TO TELL JUDGE pays 810 weekly for the best story sub ited for this page, and &5 for the second best. {Ul others at regular rates.” Original, unpub lished humorous stories only are wanted. A dress “Stories to Te nr.” Judge, 627 West 43d Street, New York City, Second Prize AN EMPLOY noted for his energy nd lack of tolerance for loafing in any form, visited his stockroom found a boy leaning idly against a pa ing case, whistling cheerily and with nothing at all on his mind. The chief stopped and stared. Such a thing was unheard of in his establishment. “How much are you getting a week he demanded, with his characteristic abruptness. “Twelve dollars.” “Here’s your twelve. Now, get out. You're through.” As the boy philosophically pocketed the money and departed, the boss turned the chief clerk and demanded: ince when has that fellow been with and “Never, that I know of,” was the re- sponse. “He just brought over a proof for us from the printer.” hal youna lady boarded a train in eastern North Carolina, in charge of an old conductor who had been running on the route for years. Upon entering the coach she asked the elderly train official to notify her when they arrived at Ply- mouth, a small station further down the line. This request was repeated several times when the conductor happened to pass her seat, and each time she was assured that she would surely be notified, She fell asleep, and as it happened the con- ductor, being absent-minded, and also having other duties to perform, did not think of his promise to the young woman until they were three miles past her sup- posed destination. Immediately upon recalling his obligation he stopped the train and backed all the way up to the last station passed. “Well, we are at Plymouth,” he said, gently arousing the passenger. “Oh! thank you so much!” she ex- claimed with a start. “Mamn a told me to take a pill when I got here A svFrerer who “ae close to a rail- ‘\ road yard in a suburb wrote the railroad company complaining about the racket made by a switch engine. Gentlemen: Why is it that your switch engine has to ding and dong and fizz and spit and clang and bang and hiss und bell-and wail and pant and rant. and howl and yowl and grate and grind and puff and bump and cleck and clank and chug and moan and hoot and toot and crash and grunt and gasp and groan and whistle and wheeze and squawk and blow and jar and jerk and rasp and jingle and twang and clack and rumble and jangle First Prize Te scHooL has been closed to allow the young hopefuls to attend the World Series games. “How very noble of you,” remarked a friend to the school- teacher. “Tam sure the children must appreciate how kind it is of you to close the school.” But the canny school-mam smiled knowingly: “I find that they improve wonderfully in their arithmetic after figuring up the batting averages.” and ring and chatter and clatter and yelp the food myself, carried it myself to the and howl and hum and snarl and puffand table, but I fooled ‘em, by gosh, I slipped growl and thump and boom and clash out without washing the dishes.” and jolt and jostle and shake and screech sae and snort and snarl and slam and throb summer the United Stat and crink and quiver and rumble and roar y was assembled in the New York and rattle and yell and smoke and smell jaro A eee niniater of san of the and shriek all ‘night long? young churches in’ Brooklyn, called on a very Canal deaf lady. She was expecting her doctor, “T FOOLED ’em,” by gosh, I fooled *em,” she said. The young pastor was ready said the stranger who had patronized to go when the fleet in the harbor fired a for the first time a self-service restaurant. salute of ten guns. The old Ia “Yes-sirree, I fooled em. I went into smoothed the wrinkles in her dr the restaurant, took the tray myself, nervously brushed back her hair, looked took the fork and knife myself, selected toward the door, and said: ‘Come in. Bird Buyer—Why, this parrot won't talk at all! “That's 's just it. That's another Plymouth Notch Enigma you've heard so much about.” 11