Judge — September 8, 1923 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Fancy Motoring by Robert C. O’Brien Y FOLLOWING these directions faith- fully you can obtain, in the privacy of your own domicile, all the displeasures of motoring. Have two of the largest members of the family sit in the morris chair. Place two dining-room chairs directly in front and pile the rest of the family into them. For door closing effect procure a hammer and smash a couple of the youngsters’ fingers. For proper odors concoct. a mixture of three parts gas- oline, one part oil, two parts decayed \ fruit and six parts Sprinkle ly throughout apartment. Call in a burly SN neighbor with ample vocabulary and get him to abuse you as much as possible. Have the kiddies make faces at him, and be sure he wears his badge so prom- inently that the baby will ery for it. lace box of dry dirt in front. of electric fan. i, As_ refreshments, . serve warm orange- \ De Aion arent int— ade and partly cooked frankfurters. Feed the younger children peanuts and any kinds of sticky candy. Connect hose with cold-water faucet and spray entire party. If you have any Armenian or Polish neighbors, call them in and ask them geography questions. tat What makes life worth living is the uncertainty as to what will happen next. Progress ws sheets each Monday morning This headline used to show: “Three drown as boat capsizes!” But that was years ago. They keep another heading In type to-day, alas! For the goof who used to rock the boat, Nowadays steps on the gas. was Egg View News Notes by Leslie Van Every Tt cLosEst Corny Paine ever came to being a prize fighter was the night li got knocked out in the second round, while acting as referee for a fight between Tink Nitz and Plato Prouty. * * * Slim Dodger, who read in a medical journal that automobiles are depriving folks of exercise and making them lazy says it may be so, but Slim claims he is getting lots of exercise earning enough money to pay for his’n. sas Regret by William Sanford I’ LIKE to be a clever chap— ‘A carpenter or plumber A chauffeur or a mason— A painter or a drummer. But I, alas, am none of these— Mine is a silly caper, I simply make up lines of words And set them down on paper! “Why don’t you put your flag at half-mast? Your engine is dead!” comicbooks.com S Re ‘ is