Judge — August 18, 1923 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Hello! Hello! Is that you, wifey? Well, I won't be home for dinner to-night. Yes, a conference with the consolidated people. What, you hear music? Why, of course, my dear, that’s the radio in the next office.” tot To the Men Who Run the Subway by Stanley Rauk I HAVE spent some of the fastest hours of my life in your underground railroad. You certainly deserve the sapphire studded washbowl for the most efficient time-saving device ever invented. Every once in a while it is only sixteen minutes ride from the 110th Street Station, where I get on, to Times Square, where I disembark, and often I don’t even get a chance to finish F. P. As column. Of course there are other occasions when a full set of Balzac would come in handy. Those magic doors you use would certainly have made Ali Baba green with envy. A guy doesn’t even have to say “Open Sesame!” these days. Let me say also that I am one of the most diligent readers of your Subway Sun. It is a wonderful paper, and runs second only to the Book of Knowledge in information per square foot. Now that I know that the couplers of the hydraulic pressure brakes are made of rubber that comes from the northwest corner of Indo-China, and that there are band concerts in Central Park, ffes in the Bronx Zoo and fish in the Aquarium, it almost- makes me want to pay a dime for a ride instead of a nickel. It is marvelous how you have trained your employees to enjoy their work. ‘Fhe guards, I am sure, have such fun closing the doors just as one is a foot or so in front of them, and the motorman of the express pulling out just as the local comes in, that I wager you don't have to give any employees outings, balls or picnics. Perhaps your indulgences in. vaudeville will allow you to recall those living statue acts wh he figur a person or vegetable or something of the three minutes with arms and legs in. strategic positions Well, Lam almost confident that holding these positions is not as hard it looks if you've ridden in the subway long enough. [I've been caught in every possible pose, and have had to hold Laocoén from Seventy-second to Times Square a time. es, and I like these turnstile affairs you have j installed. All one needs is a milk pail, a sunbonnet a little imagination to feel one is right in the country a However, eliminating the fact of your accomplished efficiency, there are a few suggestions that come to my mind which you may accept in good stead. Couldn't you elaborate ighting system you use to let the gers know what train is pulling in? For instance, vs having two red lights to denote a Van Cortlandt Park train, why not add more lights? For example, a purple light would mean a lavender light “Another train right +, representing must pose I have also another very valuable suggestion which I feel deserves your serious consideration. I notice that you keep your patrons amused at the rails between trains by inserting a transparent square receptacle where one can stand and wi the turnstile nickels at play. I am sure the public will agree with me that instead of nickels it would be much nicer to have goldfish to watch. I'd be willing to feed the ones at the 110th Street Station every morning myself! As the (Old) Crow flies. comicbooks.com