Judge — August 11, 1923 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BEFORE ADOPTING AND TRESE. SUGCESTIONS SICKLY SUGGESTIONS Or How to Keep Unhealthy by James Montgomery Flagg oo much has been written about how to keep healthy I in the summertime. » suggestions have been made for the benefit of those who want to stay sick and I am going to try to fill a long-felt want for the express help of those of you who, for reasons of your own do not care to be out- rageously fit and noticeably robust. It is obviously true that there are those among us who find that when we are too vigorous and beaming with health too much is expected of us—or, in other words, if you are blessed with hardening of the adenoids or have a chronic case of skoopterosis of the begosh and you affect an airedale expression of the eyes and vybody bursting into tears over you, heavens! You to lift your hand! Those of us like that know better than to get too well! We'd be giving up our snap! See what I mean? Sure you do. Below are a few well-chosen suggestions for keeping de- lightfully unfit. None of these hints, if followed, would ac- tually slay you—just keep you fairly helpless and waited upon. 1. Brushing the teeth. Sometimes you accidentally bite a few bristles off? allow "em! 2. Sleeping. When you retire don’t try to go to sleep. Re: ad any good medical book and try to fit some of the sy 1p- toms to yourself. This will harrow you so that you won't sleep and in the morning, when you crawl feebly down to breakfast, your morale will be so low that whatever you manage to eat will just sit around in your tummy with its legs crossed. 3. Drinking. If you have lost the address of your boot- legger and have absorbed your entire supply of formaldehyde and you begin to notice a nasty suspicion of health creeping over you, find a stagnant pool of water on the outskirts of some factory town and drink freely. You possibly won’t get typhoid but it will give you the williams thinking you may and. that will make you pathetic looking and still more helpless. 4. Avoid all foods that are rich in italies and carbon ny of those things the health touts say the body need are some recipes that have been tested with marked success. Maple Soup AKE a quart of real Vermont maple syrup. As there isn't ny a quart of guaranteed pure Vermont maple syrup. a garlic to the seaside and build it up with good food and sea baths and rub its chest with cocoanut oil night and morning for a week. When it is strong enough to to town coax it over to the maple syrup. Push it into when it is not looking. Add peppermint drops and Je lotion to taste. If it is found to be too palatable add cherries and kerosene. We predict this will make you very, very depressed. And_ possibly a bit lame, If plain old-fashioned common sense is used during the hot weather and you are fortunate enough to have plenty of good stale city air to breathe, there is no excuse in the world you poor health. Drink plenty of ice water and worry as much as you can. comicbooks.com