Judge — August 4, 1923 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

on American Ships~ F you are going to the Orient, sail on an Amer- ican ship! Before you make any further plans send the information blank below for complete descriptions of the five magnificent “President” ships that sail from Seattle. They have no superiors across the Pacific! They sail from Seattle via Victoria every 12 days—the most frequent ser- vice! The Oriental ports of call are Yokohama, Kobe, Shang- hai, Hongkong and Manila. Every prospective traveler should investigate. Send the information blank now. There is no obligation! Next sailings are: Pres. Madison Aug. 18 Pres. McKinley Aug. 30 Pres. Jackson Sept. 11 Pres. Jefferson Sept.23 Nov.22 Pres. Grant Oct. 5 Dec. 4 And every 12 days thereafter Write for Booklet The Government has just completed a valuable new booklet giving authentic information every traveler should have, and complete descriptions of the ships, Send the information blank for it today. Ie will be mailed you without any obligation, Oct. 17 Oct. 29 Nov. 10 A INFORMATION BLANK To U. S. Shipping Board Information Office Washington, D.C. C238 D Please send without obligation the U.S. Government Booklet giving travel facts. 1am considering a trip to the Orient Cl. to Barope [ ©. to South America 0. I would travel Ist clase O, 24 0, 340) My Name My Street Never R. Fe De Town ADMIRAL ORIENTAL LINE LG Smith Building, Seattle, Washington Market Street. San Francisco UD Wert Aaa Street, Chicago, Ill 17 State Street, New York City Managiny Operators for US. SHIPPING BOARD “Gosh! lighter.” These are making me heavier instead of OUR MODERN BANDITS by Walt Mason | HE BANDITS of these modern times lon’t pull the Turpin’ kind of crimes. They do not ride the roads by night, with dirk and blunderbuss bedight and rob the pilgrim of his wad— the Turpins are no more abroad. The Turpins were a sprightly crew, in all their deeds of derring-do; they had high courage in their hearts; some day, they knew, they'd ride in carts across the meadow and the lea, to Tyburn and its gallows tree. They took their chances with a smile, and then pursued their course of guile. And when at last their hour was come they lightly quaffed a snort of rum, and doffed their bonnets to the crowd, and with a flourish drew a shroud. We have our bandits nowadays, but » not blithe and sprightly jays; wish to feel no halter draw, and p within the well known law. I can’t admire them as I should; I better like the Turpin brood. car for verst on verst, I DRIVE my through country lonesome and accurst; and as the shades of dusk prevail, I see a village on the trail. A small garage looms up in sight; I put my bus there for the night, and tell the greasy son of toil to drain the crankcase of its oil, and wash the tumbril fore and aft, and Te LANDLORD shows me to a room that chills my spirit with its gloom; a wobbly chair, a creaking bed, a cob. webbed ing overhead. The light’s so dim I cannot read or count my hard. earned chicken feed, so to the village street I go and sadly journey to and fro. ‘The word’s been passed around the town —"A tourist’s here—let’s do him brown.” And everything that I would buy is priced a hundred miles too high. buy myself a dark cigar that’s flavored with ap brands of tar, and Iam taxed two bits for that, and ugly thoughts pervade street—there is no sola so to my room I then repair, the mattress stuffed with bricks; the pillow to my ringlets sticks; the slats fall down and from the bed I slide in haste and spoil my head. The morning comes and at the desk I ask the landlord picturesque how much T owe for what » had; “Ten dollars,” that swinish lad. says HEN to the stable for my boat I go, and sigh a plaintive note. I ask the delegate how much T owe; he s, “Eight!” I know the fellow robs me blind; he has the same thought in his mind; but I'm a tourist and it’s fair to soak the grease the what- you-call-it shaft. Then to the punk hotel I trot, and get a meal that isn’t hot; a steak removed from some old steer that perished in a bygone year; po- tatoes fried in axle grease and bread that calls for the police; a cold and clammy piece of pie that brings the briny to my eye and coffee of a brindled hue, that tastes of soap and “Why, Mabel, I would be ashamed tourist 3 where. This is the logic of these guys who swat the tourists and the flies. “Thestranger soon will disap- pear; let’s soak the stranger while he’s here.” The proph- ets and the law up- hold these pirates in their quest. of the next town in his bus, and there they rob again the guest—I like the | liquid glue. to be seen in such a bathing suit!” “So would I, auntie, if I were you.” 22 Turpin way the best! comicbooks.com