Judge — July 14, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ballades of a Dub Golf Sure Has Helped My Sithouette By A. N.C. Fowler I { QUITE a duffer with a cleek And with my putter seldom shine And yet I’m just as slim and sleek budding Columbine. no Mason-Dixon line, Obesity I just forget Was ever on this shape of mine— Golf sure has helped my silhouette. At first I lost five pounds a week When fashioned like the well-fed kine, But now you need a second peek To find of corpulence a sign; No frontal curves have lingered—nein, I shook my amplitude, you bet, To ape the slender Muses Nine— Golf sure has helped my silhouette. Clubman—I see your wife sailed for Europe. Other Clubman—Oh, did she? I don’t read the papers often! ey When Ye're Aff Yer Game by Charles W. Myers Ws se are missin’ ilka drive an’ putt An’ dubbin’ : too, Ye wonder why ye eer became a nut Aboot a game played weel by juist a A former chubby bodied freak, I've seen my magnitude decline To such proportions, so to speak, As waistcoats could with ease entwine And bulging diaphragm consign To lines less like a minaret Reflected in old Stamboul’s brine— Golf sure has helped my silhouette. LEnvoi Fair Goddess of the Paphian shrine, You've nothing on my figure, pet; My form’s the clinging eglantine— Golf sure has helped my silhouette. yer irons an’ brassies, Ye ken ye'll ne'er win ony gawfin’ fame When ye are nearly always aff yer game, Frae hole tae hole ye gae, a-feclin’ mean, Yer mashie shots are’ puir, yer run. Sac mony blades 0” grass oon ilka green, It seems, will turn yer ba’ oot 0° its There’s naething ye do weel shame— When ye keep oon playin’ aff yer game. a pesky Ye try yer best, an’ that is puir enough, For brain an’ muscle willna do thir wo rough, An ilka’stroke is but a jab or jerk. For days an’ days yer gawf is juist th’ same— Isna it hell when ye are aff yer game? L'Envoi An’ then ye tak’ a swing at that auld ba’, Na stance, na onything, it soars an” sails Awa’, as fine a shot ye ever saw; Yer gawf is saved again—it never fails. Au’ ye admit ye hae yersel’ tae blame Whenever, auld thing, ye are aff yer game. Bott Bobby (in a movie)—Gee this ‘ud be a great place to do my piano practice. “He enjoys showing his wife how to drive.” “Really?” “Yes, it’s his first chance to tell her anything.” lL comicbooks.com