Judge — June 9, 1923 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO TELL = JUDGE 810 weekly for the beat story sub: mitted page, and &5 fo cond. beat. All othere at regular rates.” Original, unpub lished humorous storica only are wanted. Ad- dress “Storia to Tell Editor,” Judge, 27 Weat 43d Street, New York City. Firat Prize Te prosecuting attorney was examin- negro witness. Mose,” he said, “tell us what you know about this fight.” “Well, boss,” began Mose, “I thinks “T don’t: want. to know what think. Tell us what you know.” “T thinks—” “T told you not to tell what you think.” “But, boss,” said Mose. logetically, “T ain't no lawyer. I can’t talk without thinking.” you cy Second Prize NEGRO was offered a job feeding sharks. .sah, boss, me and sharks ain't A eat black Ah know, but it’s just mal’ luck to meet wid one dat’s blind.” ery T" LADY was ttired in the height of fashion, and as she was strutting through the main street of the village, con- tempt for her lowly surroundings wa: n on every nd there were many—of her face. Suddenly she caught sight of a small boy, and she stiffened ger. The boy was a ragamuffin, and he was carrying a bird’s nest full of snapped any hesi very bac How could you rob the nest?” she con- tinued. “No doubt the poor mother bird is still griev- ing over her loss “Not she, mum!” came the sharp reply. “She's part of your hat!” Then the dy proceeded _ rather more quickly on her way. without tion. “A i boy! Drawn by E. TAFLINGER, \ Juexever anything is missed from the cellar, smokehouse, or par- ticularly the chickencoop ina certain Southern town, Zeb Crane is promptly arrested “on suspicion.” Not he was defended on one of these charges by a young lawyer in a none too con- vincing Zeb Crane Jost, and was fined twenty dollars and costs or a month in jail. “[ thank you, Massa Judge; I thank you, sir, a thousand declared Zeb, with many an obsequious bow. “Thank om bellowed the Judge. “What are you thanking me for?” I done thought my character an “dat long ago “maiden speech.” times, boy's pleadin’ was agoin’ to hang mes suah.” tae A ay had been in a public telephon £Y% box for half an hour. He appeared to be bored, and, though he held. the receiver to his ear, he made no attempt to speak. At last one of the crowd out- side, exasperated with waiting, the door and asked, politel . you speaking to anybody?” The silent one replied: “Yes; Iam speaking to my wife. A Whale of a Girl: “Thar She Blows!” 13 tramp knocked A and. sa “Pl a sick man. Th medicine, but Ton it with.” The woman was re fellow and i at a kitchen door kind lady, P'm doctor gimme this something to take dy to help. “Poor she said, vou want a spoon glass of water » mum. T wouldn't trouble you, this medicine haster be took after Have you got a meal handy?” but meals, sa Texas farmer ran the following ad in his local newspaper. “Strayed—one Jersey heifer. To the one who returns her, I will give a drink of old Four Rose whisky, ten years ve next with Jersey the yard. morning there heifers standing were nine men in tt HREE O'CLOCK in the morning! Browne let himself noiselessly into his flat, tiptoed to the bedroom and started to undress silently in the dark. He thought perhaps he could creep into bed without disturbing dear wifie. Although, of he’ really should have known better than to think such a happening was possible. For sud- denly Mrs. Browne spoke: “Hello! ving course, Been cards Yes, dear.” “And how much you in?” ing course they had the pitchers of water and glasses on each table, and the visiting debate squad kept drink- ing water all the time, while the home squad did not take a drink, It so happened that the visiting team won by an overwhelming majority. After the debat the losing coach came up and congratu- lated the winning coach, and re- marked: “That's the first time I ever knew it took water to run a windmill.” comicbooks:com