Judge — May 26, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO" TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story sub- mitted for this page, and $3 for the arcond beat, {Ul othere at regular rates.” Original, un pub- humorous stories only are wante Stories to Tell Editor,” Judge 43d Street, New York City. First Prize Te freshmen at college were dis- cussing the incomes of their fathers. One said: “My father writes a song in un evening and takes it downtown the next morning and sells it for The next countered: “My father writes a story in an evening and takes it down- town the next morning and sells it for & it’s nothing,” declared the third. y father gets up in a pulpit on Sunday and talks for half an hour, and it takes twelve men to carry the money up to him.” being clected visited the village intelligence of the Scortisn farmer, EX school manager, school and tested the class by this question: any of you tell me what naething i ‘After a moment's silence a small boy ina seat rose and replied: “It’s what ye gied me the other day for holding yer horse.” Ree Yraxppap always worked on the J trary side of everything, and let his hair and beard get very long. One day sitting a little too near the fire and ir got on fire. Some one coming into the roomand seeing it eried,"Oh, grandpap, your hair is burni whereupon he replied, “I didn’t ketch it on fire an’ I be damned if I put it out!” rere wires James Algernon Smackett was ten, his mother asked him what he was going to be when he grown. “President,” James replied promptly which pleased hi mother immensely When James was eighteen his father asked him what he was going to be. “Senator,” James answered with some hesitation, which pleased his father. When Jam was twenty-two, his pro- fessor asked him what he was going to be. “Governor,” James said, after mature reflection, which pleased the professor. Ten years later James wanted to run for constable but the missus would not let him, t’ make me happy. V HEN the door bell rang the second time, Mrs. Jones, thinking that the servants had not heard, answered herself. She was surprised and delighted to find there her brother, whom she had not sen for two years, She threw her arms around his neck and was rapturously kissing him when the cook came into the hall. Seeing her mistress in the arms of a strange man, the cook discreetly closed the door and tiptoed back to the kitchen. A few minutes later Mrs. Jones went to the kitchen to give instructions for the next meal. “Mary,” she said, “I want you to have an unusually good dinner because my brother is here from the West. You did not know who he w as, when you did you answered the ‘lowed hit saw us in the hall, “No, ma‘am, “but I jes “Bre the ice Won't you p Mrs. Eddy of her ni Bina had recently old country and her place Eddy was’ her first in States, 1e was as yet unspoiled by the Amer- ican attitude of servants, and hastened to do her mistress’ bidding. She emptied the water in the pan, wiped it thoroughly dry, filled it with clear water and replaced it under the ice box. ae \ You truthful wuz yo" n’s running ove « empty it,” y Swedish maid. vbarked from the with Mrs. yob in the United “G man in college was quite a wag; though able enough, he was not noted for scholarship. | Finally, owing 1 in study and to press of he approached mid-term Rumor placed him foot in his class, while it conceded first honor to his friend Bill F——. One day the witty youth was bragging “Tell you what, fellows; me and Bill are running that Junior Bill's leading, and I'm pushing!” class. wnlhia “Yes, S’manthy, Eben’s been a good husband t’ me; He’s kep’ me in med'cine fer nigh on forty year now.” 1. Ts MINISTER and his wife were on their first pastoral call of the season. The home happened to be that of a colored woman who was seldom seen at church, The minister's wife sod impression, opened a conver: your children up to school in time, don’t you?” id sakes, woman,” was the reply. “Pse got thirteen chilluns, an’ by de time T’se got de last "un ready de fust un’s comin” home agin.” tt ‘ Tos said a young woman visitor at his home, “why not come to our Sabbath school? Several of your little friends have joined us lately.” nmy hesitated a moment. Then suddenly: “Does a red-headed kid) by the name of Jimmy Brown go to your school?” “Yes, inde: desirous of « replied the new teacher. “Well, then,” replied Tommy, with an air of interest, “I'll be there next Sunday, you bet. ve been laying for that kid for three weeks, and never knew where to find him.” ste D*™ 's mother had evidently told the lad of the nearness of an addition to the family. “Which we uld you rather have, Don, a girl or a boy “There isn't any choice. It's got to be a girl. I'm tired of washing dishes. tots A rioressox in one of our large LY schools called upon Smith, the sentenc prep. who “The stutters, to. parse made propinquity of the porcupine pot-shotting at the hippopotamus vir- tually impossible.” Smith g lance around the room and “P-p-p-professor, now ain't t+ a d-d-deuce of a question to ask me?” 2. Jitex an operator in a small rural telephone exchange would give onc long ring on a lin was the signal for a to listen in, to receive weather reports, or news of a dance, etc. Each line had from ten to twenty sub- scribers on it. One night, about twelve o’clock, when all the farmers had got nicely to. sleep, some one on the line gave one long ring, everyone made a run for the telephone ex- pecting to hear some startling news. A man’s asked: “Are you on the line A dozen or more voices. answered, “Well,” replied the man, “I just wanted good night to voice all done everythin? comicbooks.com